Dance with Denial
by Kiyral
Summary: Firstperson. Mara's initial denial of and subsequent 'coming to terms' with her feelings for Luke.
1. The Invitation

**Dance with Denial**

I love the way first-person storytelling reads, so I tried one of my own: from Mara's POV, her denial of her feelings for Luke. Please let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. I do not make money off my writings. Please do not sue me.

Anyway, enjoy. Then review. Thanks.

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The door chime sounded just as I turned on the water in the 'fresher unit. I knew it was him. Who else could it be? Who else even knew I was here? I sighed and wrapped myself in a thick towel before turning off the tap and heading to the entryway of my small apartment.

I have to admit, I was a bit confused as to _why_ he was here. We'd parted not more than 20 minutes ago, following a rather intense training session, and I was in desperate need of a shower. He must have had some serious stuff on his mind...I hadn't worked that hard since Callista left him.

He smiled that backwater smile at me when I answered the door, then opened his mouth to say whatever it was that he was going to say and froze.

I waited for a handful of seconds to see if he'd get it together. "Skywalker. What is it?" I asked, getting a bit annoyed. He was just standing there with his mouth open, staring at me. Staring at me...in just a towel. I clutched the terry cloth a little tighter and scowled.

Why was it that this guy was the only person in the galaxy that could make me feel self-conscious?!

"Hello? Coruscant to Skywalker!" I stayed in the doorway, one hand keeping my towel in place, the other resting on the door. I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was even the tiniest bit embarrassed. I could feel my cheeks starting to flush, which made me scowl even harder.

He finally seemed to collect himself with a nearly imperceptible shake of his head. "Uhh...Jade. Sorry, I just forgot to ask you if you'd mind having dinner with me tonight. I promised Leia I'd go to this political thing and now she's saying I need an escort." He suddenly took a great interest in fiddling with one of his coat's buttons. "So, umm...will you accompany me?" The skin between his eyebrows scrunched up in anticipation of my answer.

Interesting. Farm Boy was nervous about asking me to dinner. No way was I going to make it easy on him. "A tad last-minute, don't you think? Karrde's already asked me to go over some figures with him tonight," I said, a bit smug, "Isn't there someone else you can ask?"

I watched as his face fell. "Oh. I just...well you...I mean, yeah I suppose I could maybe...well, it's just, I wouldn't really know...I mean, I understand. Thanks, anyway."

I was instantly sorry. Something inside me twisted a little, causing me to frown. Damn. Why did he have to take everything so personally? He was so touchy lately. And why did I even care? "Relax, Farm Boy. I'll go, I was only giving you a hard time."

He brightened and raked a hand through his unruly sandy-blonde hair. "Great!" He said with a disarming smile. "I'll pick you up at eight, then!" He turned and started to walk away.

Damn that Jedi, did he purposefully omit important details?! "Skywalker!" I called, irritated again.

He turned and glanced at my towel again before catching my eye, "Yeah?"

I started drumming my fingers impatiently on the door jam, "Is this thing casual, fancy or what? Come on! A girl's got to know these things!"

"Oh! Yeah, I guess its kind of formal. Sorry." His face blushed an appealing shade of red.

I nodded, trying to hide a grin. "Right. See you at eight, then." I said as I shut the door and walked back to the 'fresher and my awaiting shower.


	2. Getting Ready

Dinner with Skywalker. I mulled over the thought as I flipped through the myriad of gowns in my apartment's enormous closet. The more I thought about it, the more annoyed I became at myself for agreeing to go. Standing in my bathrobe sorting through my closet is not how I like to begin an evening.

The corners of my mouth turned down when I pulled out a sexy little black number that I hadn't yet worn and held it up in front of a full-length mirror. I clicked my tongue once before replacing it and moving on. It never took me this long to decide what to wear. With an aggravated sigh, I flipped right on by the reds and blues.

I really did have a meeting with Karrde I'd have to cancel that night and I was dreading the thought of placing the call. The face that man makes when he thinks he knows more than he actually does jumps to mind so easily. I was going to get so much heat for this. Why was it, exactly, that I had agreed to go? My frown increased as I continued to flip.

Pausing towards the end of the greens, I ran my fingers down the sateen fabric of the emerald backless dress I'd worn to one of Karrde's functions just last year. The old smooth talker had been trying to impress some prospective new client. The whole thing had been a total bore and I'd ended up excusing myself early. On my way back to my apartment, I'd run into Skywalker and Organa-Solo. Leia had told me that Han was interested in working part-time for Karrde's Organization, which caught me so completely off guard. At the time, I wasn't sure if it was because of her announcement or because of the young woman clinging to her brother's arm. Either way, I didn't stick around to chat. I later found out that after I left, Luke had made an appreciative comment to Leia about my dress.

My frown was instantly replaced with a smirk as I removed the dress from its hanger and draped it across the back of a leather chair outside the closet.

What were the words he'd used? Oh yes, he'd said, "I've never seen a dress wear a woman so well." I don't think his lady friend had appreciated that too much. Han told me she refused to see him again after that. I started to grin a bit.

I tried to picture how the Farm Boy would react to me wearing that dress again tonight, but all I could conjure was the way his eyes had lit up when he saw me in it the last time.

TIME OUT! Was I getting sentimental?! Well, mental, that's for sure. With a scowl, I tightened the sash on my robe and sat down at my desk. Might as well get this over with.

I sighed and hit the call button for Karrde's personal line. After the precisely timed two-and-a-half rings, he picked up. He was already wearing 'the face'

"Mara. How pleasant to hear from you. I trust you are calling to reschedule tonight's meeting?"

I scowled and almost told him that I was still coming, just to prove him wrong. But I knew better. He already knew I was meeting Skywalker and would just read more into it than he already was. No, I checked my temper and sucked it up. He wasn't going to provoke me into giving any details.

"Yes, actually. I won't be able to make it tonight, could we reschedule for tomorrow afternoon instead?"

Karrde raised an eyebrow but didn't ask questions. "Unfortunately the Wild Karrde won't be available tomorrow, where would you like to meet?"

I really didn't feel comfortable meeting anywhere public to discuss business matters, so I offered the first thing that came to mind, "Why don't we just meet at my apartment here tomorrow. Say noon-ish?"

He nodded in agreement, "That's acceptable. See you tomorrow then, Jade. Karrde out." And with that the screen went blank.

Well, that didn't go too badly. Guess it was time to get ready. Skywalker would be here soon.


	3. Luke's Arrival

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Right. So I haven't updated this story in for-freaking-ever. I'm sorry. I've been going crazy working two full-time jobs for the past year or so. But I'm done with that now, so yay for having time to write again. Thanks everyone for being patient with me, now on with the show.

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Still in my bathrobe, I was trying to coax one stubborn bronze lock into position with a silver hairpin when the door chimed. With a frown and one last glance at my reflection, I conceded defeat and headed to the entry.

I thought I caught a faint hint of anxiety trickling from the other side of the door, but it must have been my imagination because it was gone before I even reached for the release gauge. I shrugged it off and the door slid open to reveal a cool and collected Jedi dressed to the nines.

"You're early," I said, slightly annoyed.

Skywalker shifted his feet before replying, "Yeah, sorry about that. Leia wouldn't stop fussing over me, so I just had to get out of there. But if you're not ready, I can come back."

I gave him a look, "Do I look like I'm ready?" He seemed to get that it was a rhetorical question because he kept quiet.

I sized Luke up with one long glance. Starting at the bottom, I noticed that his shoes looked a little too big; he must have borrowed them from Han. The tux he was wearing must have been newly tailored, as it fit him perfectly in all the right places and the creases in his pants were too sharp. The exotic blossom in his lapel smelled great and somehow in the past hour and a half he had found the time to get a haircut. I chose to ignore the fact that he was hiding a gift for me behind his back.

I could tell when I had been staring a bit too long because his cheeks started to flush. Annoyance was replaced with amusement, my eyebrows raised and my mouth twisted into a sardonic smile.

"Wow, Skywalker. You clean up real nice," I said appreciatively.

Sure enough, I managed to embarrass him. It looked as though he thought his collar was too tight, the way he started absently tugging at it. My smile broke into a grin.

"Relax, Farm Boy. It was just a compliment. Come on in, I'll be ready in a sec."

Luke followed me into my apartment and took a seat in the living area, but still didn't say anything. Instead, he seemed extremely interested in the etched glass of my table.

I eyed him suspiciously for a moment before saying anything myself. "Alright. Help yourself to a drink or something while I go finish up. I won't be more than a couple minutes, but make sure you don't bore my furniture to death with your incessant ramblings."

No reaction. What was up with this guy?

"Skywalker."

He looked up at me like he just noticed I was there. "Hmm?"

I rolled my eyes. I would never understand this man. "Never mind. I'll be out in a couple minutes."

With that, I headed back to the mirror and my awaiting mound of silver pins.


	4. A Drink Before

I just finished stepping into my gown and was securing the straps of my favorite heels when I heard an obscenity followed by a slight crash coming from my kitchenette.

Before I had the chance to even register a thought in my head, I was half-way down the hall with an empty thigh-holster strapped to my leg and the familiar feel of compact efficiency in the form of a tiny blaster firmly gripped in my steady hand.

"Damn it, Skywalker! This is why I don't let people into my apartment!" I yelled when I saw the broken crystal shattered across the cool tiles of my kitchen countertop.

I looked up to glare into Luke's eyes for scaring the Force out of me and breaking a piece of my priceless Alderaanian crystal, but he wasn't looking at me. His wide eyes were on the blaster, still in my hand and coincidentally pointed at his chest. With an annoyed growl, I hiked up my gown and holstered my weapon before trying my best glare again. Some people we so touchy.

Once again, my expression was lost on him as his eyes were now trained on the curve of my leg beneath a shimmer of emerald fabric. I watched his face for a half-second before he cleared his throat and joined me in what I like to refer to as reality. Or so I thought. Maybe that crystal hit him on his head? I felt my eyebrows coming together in annoyed impatience when he finally spoke.

"What else do you have hiding under there?" He pointed towards my hemline, which ended just past my ankles.

Now I _really_ glared at him, "A swift kick in the ass if you're not careful, Farm Boy. Now kindly explain to me your need to break my nice things." I crossed my arms in front of me and waited for his explanation.

Reluctantly, his eyes returned to my face. He winced slightly as he met my gaze, but managed to hold up under the pressure.

I think he must have tapped into his reserve of emergency Force or something, because suddenly he was cool and relaxed. And I swear on the Emperor's lightning that the Jedi winked at me. Did he not _just_ see me pointing a blaster at his chest! I have never known anyone that could get me so infuriated this quickly!

"Sorry about the glass, Jade," he said smartly, "I was just trying to pour us a drink and it slipped. Don't worry, I'll get you another."

Obviously, he had no idea what he was talking about. If he had, he'd realize that the crystal was irreplaceable. I scowled. They really didn't get made anymore, now that their planet was destroyed along with their creator. I told him as much and waited patiently for his reaction.

Any normal person in these circumstances would have squirmed and looked sheepish before becoming prostrate with apology. I expected no less from Luke, but of course I was disappointed. To give the guy credit; he didn't break, which annoyed the heck out of me.

"Seriously, Mara. I promise I'll replace it. Now just don't worry about it right now and have a drink." He handed me a thin flute of champagne, which he had poured after cleaning up his mess of broken crystal, and picked up a glass himself.

Our fingers touched ever so lightly when he handed me the drink and in that instant I felt a wave of calm wash over me like a refreshing breeze. It caused me to inhale sharply and close my eyes while I held my breath for a second. I re-opened my eyes slowly as I exhaled and couldn't for the life of me remember why I'd been so angry before. It was just a glass, right?

Luke raised his champagne and I caught his eye. Had they always been such a brilliant shade of blue? Funny, I couldn't remember them ever looking so clear.

"I haven't told you, yet, how breathtaking you look tonight. Thanks for agreeing to go with me on such short notice," he raised his drink a little higher, "Here's to good times and even better friends."

I was taken completely aback. I mean, I know I'm a fairly attractive woman. And I know I looked good tonight…I spent a long time in front of the mirror making sure of that. But somehow, the way _he_ said it…

I downed my champagne in two large gulps and set the crystal down on the counter.

"Let's go, Farm Boy. The faster we get out of here, the faster the night can be over."

I quickly turned and headed for the door. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough to miss the hurt expression on Luke's face as I insulted him and completely ignored his compliment. What the heck was wrong with me when I couldn't take a compliment from a friend?

I really didn't want to think about what that might mean. Besides, we were going to be late for the Thing. I was doing him a favor, he should be grateful.

He walked past me to exit my apartment and I noticed his eyes again. They were a little different, cloudy even. It must have been the light before. Hmm. Oh well, something else to think about later. For now it was time to go.


	5. A Realization

Thanks to everyone who submitted a review! I really appreciate the feedback. Anyway, sorry for the delay, now on with the show…

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Luke didn't say a word as we stepped into the turbolift, which was fine by me. And he was silent – still – as we boarded our private shuttle to the event. Surprising, but I prefer the quiet anyway. When we had arrived at the Great Hall and I still hadn't heard a peep from him, I knew I'd have to initiate the conversation.

Not wanting to spend the entire evening with a grumpy Jedi on my arm, I pulled Luke aside before we made our entrance. But just as I was about to speak, he lifted the embargo on his silence.

"Why did you agree to come with me tonight, Mara? You obviously had much more _important_ things to do with your time."

I wasn't really sure where that came from, or where he was going with it, but I answered honestly, "I came because you asked me."

The brief look of sour frustration that passed across his face before once again resting in a state of Jedi calm told me that was, in fact, _not_ the answer he was looking for. "No, Mara. Why did you agree to come when you just can't stand to be with me."

"Skywalker, what are you talking about?" I still wasn't sure what he was getting at. Why was he so upset?

"I'm talking about you. And how you can't be civil to me for ten minutes. If you dislike my company so much, why in the name of the Force would you agree to spend a whole evening with me?" His expression darkened somewhat, which left me even more confused.

I really wasn't sure what to say. I've never been at a _total_ loss for words, but they were definitely coming much slower than normal, "I…Luke, I don't know where this is coming from. What are you getting at?" Befuddled, I could feel my brow start to wrinkle. I stood there waiting for nearly half a minute before I saw something. A flicker or glint in his eyes. Something clicked in his mind and the darkness went away. He seemed to look at me differently, and I didn't understand why. "Luke?"

The Jedi's expression softened a bit and he even smiled, "I'm sorry Mara, never mind. Shall we go inside?"

Now wait just a minute. A second ago, he was ready to have it out with me. I wanted to know what was going on, so I closed my eyes to quickly gather my concentration, then opened them again as I stretched out with my limited Force abilities. I tasted everything around me in an instant: the gentle din of the party a few meters away, the sharp attention of the guards beside the doorway, the lazy complacence of the trees against the walls, and the warmth and blinding light coming from the man right in front of me. Touching Luke through the Force was like spending a day at a Hapan luxury spa, it left me feeling relaxed and refreshed. I guess he really was okay. It seemed that whatever was troubling him before had disappeared.

Apparently, my meager attempt to manipulate the Force was enough to register with the Jedi Master, because he beamed at me. He actually beamed at me.

"That was great, Mara! Really great! You know, you – "

"I know, I know. I should continue my training, spare me the lecture." I tried to sound annoyed, but it came out as more of a reluctant acceptance (which made him smile even more). Somehow, the thought of getting on with my training didn't sound all that bad, though. "How 'bout we settle for just getting inside right now?"

Skywalker's face settled into a grin and he offered me his arm, which I took. "Have I told you how breathtaking you look tonight, Mara?"

I looked back into his sparkling blue eyes. They honestly were such a brilliant shade, how could I not have noticed before? Smiling, I tugged on his coat sleeve, "Thanks, Luke. You look pretty darn good yourself."

I still wasn't sure what had brought about this sudden change, but I had plenty of time left before the end of the night to figure it out.


	6. An Accusation

We didn't make it more than two meters through the entrance before Skywalker was pounced upon by two very passionate Twilek senators. One of which was so intent on making some point or other to the Master Jedi that his light green head-tails were twitching with each over-emphasized syllable, looking to me as if they were just as adamant about getting their point across as the person who's head they were attached to.

I rolled my eyes and felt the corners of my mouth turn down a bit. See, the problem with attending a political event, whether it be a rally or fundraising dinner, is that there are always politicians throwing politics around every which way. I make it a point to steer clear of politicking in general, which is difficult to do when at an event such as this. Why in the name of the Force had I agreed to come here, again? I shook my head as I did my best to tune out their conversation, lively as it was, and turned my attention to the rest of the room. The tables were set up towards the back of the banquet hall. I scanned the small clusters of weighty dignitaries and influential aids and rested my eyes on a petite, yet obviously feisty woman who was bearing down on me determinedly.

My frown intensified. I had a lot of respect for Leia Organa-Solo. She was a tough woman who was a lot like myself. She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to do what is necessary to achieve her goals. She's a great leader with the kind of street smarts you can't learn from reading data cards, and she has got to be the first honest politician since the Old Republic. Plus she's a great friend, not to mention pretty useful in a tight spot. But, there's one thing that absolutely drives me crazy about her.

I cringed inwardly. Boy, did she like to talk about feelings. Way more than any one being should ever, and I mean _ever_, want or need to.

I looked back over at Luke to get some indication on whether he was getting close to finishing up his debate with the Twileks' head-tails or not. He locked eyes with me and gave me an apologetic shrug.

I raised my eyebrows to indicate he was going to owe me for this, and then turned to face my assailant.

"Mara, it's so good to see you! You look lovely tonight."

"Thanks Leia. It's good to see you too." I held my breath for a moment, hoping the words wouldn't come. Maybe she'd just want to stand here and wait for her brother to finish up with Twitchy and his partner. Of course, I would have no such luck.

Leia glanced at her brother and threw him a quick smile before looking back to me, "Let's go somewhere private we can talk."

With no reasonable excuse springing to mind, I nodded and followed her to a deserted table near the far corner of the hall. I grabbed two glasses of wine from a serving droid as we passed by and downed half of one before we had even sat down. I held the other glass out to Leia, almost as a peace offering. She waved it away.

"Thanks, but I only drink white."

I placed the glass on the table next to mine and prepared for the worst.

Leia grinned like a kid at her first zero-g experience, " Oh Mara! I can't tell you how happy I am that you're here! I was so desperate to get Luke here tonight and he just insisted that the only way he would come would be if you went with him. I take it you two had the talk, then?"

My glass froze halfway to my lips.

"Excuse me?" I couldn't have heard that right. "I'm sorry, he said what, exactly?"

Organa-Solo's smile faltered for a split second and she hesitated before continuing, "Oh, well you know he doesn't really like these things, I'm sure he just wanted a friend here…for support, you know."

I was not born yesterday, nor the day before. I know when someone is trying to pull a fast one. Leia wasn't pulling a fast one. No, it couldn't even be considered a slow one. It was, in fact, the worst lie ever told in the history of lies, and I told her as much. Then I smirked when her smile completely vanished.

"Spill it, Solo. What's this really about?"

Leia looked at me and scowled before she exploded, "Why can't you court my brother like a normal woman!"

For the second time in as many minutes I was too stunned to move. Nonplussed, I downed the last of my wine before choosing my next words. It took me several moments, but I managed to come up with just a few, "Me? Court? Your brother?"

The former Princess steeled her jaw and continued, "Yes. You two have been at this song and dance number for years. Why can't you just get on with it? Force knows he's been through so much, he deserves some happiness!"

What in the name of the stars was she going on about! Me courting Skywalker? Boy had _she_ got her wires crossed! "Listen, Leia! I don't know where you get your delusions, but-"

"Delusional, am I? Why can't you just be honest with yourself, Mara? Everyone else can see it so clearly, I don't know why it's so hard for you to admit."

I was starting to get angry. I'm not one to tolerate being treated like a child. My eyes narrowed and I lowered my voice threateningly, "You'd better start making sense pretty soon, here. What is it exactly that can't I admit to and what precisely am I not being honest about? Keeping in mind that you just called me stupid and a liar."

Leia sighed and glanced over here shoulder at her brother before leaning back in her chair. "Alright, I'll spell it out for you, if that's what it takes."

She looked me straight in the eye and said without flinching, "Mara Jade, you're in love with my brother."


	7. The Denial

Leia's words were like a slap in the face, and I reacted as if they were; I jumped to my feet and threw a punch at her. Somehow logic set in that I was not _really_ under physical attack, and I was able to stop the motion mid-swing. Momentum, unfortunately, carried me far beyond my normal range of balance and I found myself toppling right over the chair I had just sprung up from a microsecond before. For my grand finale I ended up flat on my back with my tiny blaster scooting across the floor like it was launched from a bow caster by a three hundred pound wookiee. I watched in painfully slow motion as it skidded to a halt…ironically at the heels of the very man we had been discussing. Of course it would.

I'm only assuming that everyone in the hall watched me pick myself up (Leia, bless her heart, offered me a helping hand), right my fallen chair and sit back down again. I don't know for certain because I was doing my best to pretend there was absolutely no one else in the room.

When I looked back at Organa-Solo, she was white as a sheet. She looked as if she was facing certain death with her eyes as wide as I've ever seen them and her manicured hand clamped across her slack-jawed mouth.

Then the passage of time seemed to resume its normal tempo as I broke the silence, "I've never heard anything so absurd!" I glared at the woman across from me, daring her to break eye contact first.

She did. Her eyes shifted up and to my left and her look of shock morphed into one of embarrassment. Leia's cheeks colored and she gently bit her lower lip as her hand dropped into her lap.

Annoyed that one of my best glares had been wasted, I glanced over my shoulder to find Skywalker closing in from less than a meter away with my blaster resting on his palm and a look of concern plastered across his face. I looked back at Leia and scowled.

"Mara, is everything alright? I thought I saw-"

"Just fine and dandy, Skywalker." I interrupted, keeping my eyes on Leia. I didn't want to know what he _thought_ he saw. "Your sister and I were just catching up on some girl talk, weren't we?"

Organa-Solo only nodded.

I risked another glance at the Jedi beside me. He was staring at me, his brow wrinkled in either disbelief or concentration and a slight frown had formed in the corners of his mouth. We locked gazes and I felt a twinge in my stomach, as his eyes seemed to see right to my core. I was exposed. I had left myself defenseless after my fall, defenseless and open to attack. As a reflex, I slammed down my mental shields and quickly looked away. How could I have let my guard down like that?

I looked back at Leia, who was shifting her eyes back and forth between her brother and myself. I could see the weighing of her mind, but her choice was obvious. She could never leave well enough alone. At least not when her brother was concerned.

She visibly took a breath before her declaration, "Would you two come off it already? I swear, the two of you are so thick headed, I don't even know why I bother!" And without waiting for any sort of reaction, the Princess stormed off.

I sat watching her go for a handful of seconds. I couldn't bear to look at Luke, not yet. Not until I could gauge his reaction.

"Mara."

"What?" I replied flatly.

"Mara, what's going on?"

What _was_ going on? I shook my head as if to clear my thoughts, but it only seemed to intensify the confusion. Skywalker took it as a sign that I didn't want to talk, which was mostly true. He squatted next to my chair, trying to place himself in my line of sight, but I still wouldn't look at him. He'd seen me in that instant, in my mind. He saw me how I pictured myself.

"Mara."

He placed his hand on my back and I inhaled sharply at his soft touch.

"I need some air, I'm going outside,"

I decided suddenly that it was way too stuffy in here, so I fled. I left Luke behind and headed for the first exit I could see, which turned out to be some sort of small terrace. Immediately the fresh air made me feel better and I inhaled deeply before looking around.

The small balcony was deserted, which was not surprising considering the view. I'm sure sometime in the Old Republic the vista must have been spectacular. An unobstructed panorama of the artificial horizon, filled with glowing lights and scurrying ships. Now, however, the view was left somewhat lacking. A brand new sky rise was being erected within spitting distance and provided a breathtaking view of rusty scaffolding and old construction droids.

The veranda itself was honestly quite pretty, if not very large. Its rectangular shape wasn't more than a two meters deep and maybe three meters across. Two bushy potted trees framed the doorway towards the left end, and the opposite side offered a carved stone bench and a tiny trickling fountain.

I sat down on the cool stone of the bench and tried to sift through my thoughts, garbled as they were. How could Leia think that I was in love with Luke? I frowned at the thought. He was such a goody-goody. Too even tempered. Too much the Hero. And the fact that I wanted desperately to kill him not too long ago had to count for something, right? I mean, I _don't_ want to kill him now, but wasn't that just a technicality?

_He's always believed in you._

Yeah? Well, so has Karrde! Am I supposed to be in love with him, too?

He's never questioned your loyalty. 

Neither did the Emperor!

_He understands you._

He's a Jedi. He understands everybody!

_He would walk through fire for you, if you asked._

Yeah. He would. But that doesn't mean…

"Mara?" I was startled out of my inner monologue, but it didn't matter. I wasn't getting anywhere with it anyway.

The Farm Boy had followed me outside and was saying something, but it wasn't registering with my brain. I was just starting to notice the chill of the night air. The breeze was considerable at this altitude and the cool stone of the bench wasn't deterred at all by the sateen fabric of my gown. A shiver started in my spine and moved quickly across the rest of my body. A second later, Luke draped his coat across my shoulders and sat down beside me.

"Mara, you haven't heard a word I've said." He gazed at me with inquiring eyes, so I offered him a half-hearted smile.

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

"I was just trying to give you your blaster back. Or did you want me to hold on to it for you?" He offered the tiny pistol to me hilt first and I took it from him.

"No, thanks. I've got it." And for the second time that evening, I hiked my dress up to holster my weapon, then let my hem fall back across my knee. I looked back at Skywalker as I rested against the wall and thought I noticed a bit of color in his cheeks as he stared at my leg. With such poor lighting out here, I couldn't say for certain.

My lips twisted into a bit of a smirk at the thought that Luke could be affected by showing a little skin. It was hard for me to see him as just another man. I didn't think he worked that way. He always seemed, to me at least, to be above all that.

"You know, you shouldn't feel ashamed."

My heart stopped and my smirk vanished. "What? Who said I felt ashamed?"

Quietly, he ignored my question, "We all have those feelings about ourselves, Mara," referring to the moment earlier when he'd seen inside me. His eyes sought out my own as he continued, "All of us."

Suddenly angry, I snapped at him, "What do you know about it?"

The brave Jedi Master winced before he went on, "There are things that I'm not proud of doing, either, but you have to let them go. You don't have to be defined by what you've done in the past. You can choose how you want to be seen, by who you are _now._" His eyes were filled with comfort and understanding and somewhere deep inside me I desperately wanted to believe him. But I couldn't.

I sat up again, "No, Skywalker. You're wrong. I won't ever escape from being the Emperor's Hand. No matter what I've done for this New Republic, that will always be who I am." Warm again, I shrugged off Luke's coat before I stood up and walked to the edge of the terrace. The rail that surrounded it was also carved from stone, rising up to just about chest-level. I rested my arms in front of me across the top of the rail, perching my chin atop my hands and looked down into the abyss below.

"Not to your friends, Mara." His voice lofted from the bench where he remained rooted.

I ignored him and inwardly examined myself. Somehow I had imagined this conversation to be much more uncomfortable. Skywalker was surprisingly easy to talk to. I sighed and closed my eyes feeling the wind caress my face and neck.

I didn't care about what people in general thought of me. Not even my friends, really. So why was I so worked up over this? Because…because there _was_ one person who's opinion of me _did_ matter. One whose opinion mattered above all others.

How was I defined in his eyes? Was I the Imperial assassin? The Emperor's Hand? The smuggler? The pirate? Was I any or all of those things to him?

"Not to me, Mara," His warm breath whispered in my ear and again I felt a shiver move down my spine.

I gave him a sideways look, daring him to take his words back. He was so close now; I could still feel his warm breath on my neck. I turned slightly and searched his calm face for any hint of deception. When I found none, I continued to study him. It was amazing how bright his eyes could be in such dim lighting. His flushed cheeks were endearing and I could barely see a trace of the scar from the wampa attack so many years ago. I traced the curve of his jaw with my gaze and stopped at the pout of his lips, not able to look away. Subconsciously, my mouth formed the words, "Luke, I…"

I'll never know what I was about to say, because in that very instant Luke Skywalker kissed me.


	8. Resistance

Hey there everyone, I really do appreciate the feedback so please keep it coming!

Anyway, I've been pretty good with keeping up my momentum on this story, so let's all cross our fingers that I can finish this off in the next week or two. And I'm terribly sorry about the cliffhangers. Well…no, not really. In fact, here's another one. Enjoy! K

His kiss was ever so tender and he tasted sweet, like fresh jomach juice. I felt at once like I should sing, or at the very least fly. I couldn't concentrate on any one thing, not that I wanted to, for the rest of the universe came to a sudden screeching halt. And in that instant, a rush of emotions I'd never experienced before and couldn't begin to describe threatened to take hold of me, suffocate me. Everything started to spin as I reacted with the only defense I knew: anger.

Skywalker jumped back and held his palm against the left side of his face. "Ow! Stars, Mara! What was that for!"

I scowled at his hurt expression. As if he didn't know. "That was for making me feel vulnerable, Farm Boy."

The insufferable Jedi returned a skeptical gaze.

My head still spinning, I pointed my index finger a centimeter from his nose. "Don't you play games with me, Jedi. You won't like it when you lose. And you _will_ lose."

I had to get out of there. I couldn't let him see how he had affected me, couldn't let him see how shaken I really was.

I hurried inside and was approached by one of the wait staff carrying a tray full of drinks. Before he could even offer me one, I grabbed a glass in my stinging hand and skillfully drained its contents. The polite older gentleman merely raised an eyebrow at me and chuckled. "You must be having quite an evening, Milady."

I twisted the stemware in my fingers and swirled the few remaining drops as I glanced back at the doorway I had come through. "You couldn't possibly imagine."

The waiter smiled, "Best you take another for the road, they should be serving dinner quite soon."

I nodded gratefully and traded my empty glass for one of his full ones. "Thank you."

The kindly man gave a slight bow with his head before departing while I glanced around and noticed he was right. Most everyone was seated already, with only a few stragglers en route to their tables.

I headed for my own table, dreading every step of the way and wondering for possibly the umpteenth time why in the name of the stars I had agreed to come this ruddy event. The whole evening was turning into some kind of twisted nightmare.

I reached the table and groaned inwardly. Skywalker was already seated, and of course, the only empty seat was right beside his. With a sigh, I placed my full glass of wine on the table and sat down. Apparently we were all supposed to know each other, or else I missed out on introductions, because not one of them bothered to introduce themselves to me.

The circular table was not terribly large and there weren't too many of us situated around its circumference. Nevertheless, it was a tight fit and everyone was pretty close. I was pleased to see that Han Solo was seated to my left; at least I could count on some lively conversation there. At the moment he was engaged in a heated discussion with his wife who was sitting on his opposite side. After the Solos were a young couple I didn't recognize. They were probably newlyweds, judging from the way their hands were interlocked and they kept staring at each other with big googly eyes. I stifled a snort and rolled my eyes. Beyond them and on the other side of Skywalker was a couple in their twilight years. Both of them had silvery hair and careworn faces as proof of just how much they had endured over the years.

The older woman, who was seated next to Skywalker was inquiring about the welt on the Jedi's face. Intrigued with how he would answer, I turned to look myself. Louder than I intended, I butted into their conversation, "Yeah, Skywalker. Why don't you tell us all what happened?" I noticed his left cheek was still bright pink from where I'd hit him, but his right one was slowly trying to match the other's shade.

My comment caught the attention of everyone else at the table, who all seemed to stop what they were doing to find out what had happened to the 'poor' Jedi. Curiously, he tossed Leia a pained expression, who then nodded at him in encouragement.

I narrowed my eyes as I watched the exchange between siblings.

"Alright, Solo." I said quietly out the side of my mouth. "What are they playing at?"

Han's reply came almost inaudibly, "Don't look at me, sister. I have learned to steer clear of her when she gets like this."

The whole table was still collectively staring at Skywalker who visibly took a breath before responding, "It's actually kind of an interesting story, if you'd care to hear it." There was a round of nodding and assent from all across the table.

He was stalling. He couldn't think of any face-saving reason as to why he'd just been slapped. I smirked. It was going to be fun watching Luke trip over his tongue and embarrass himself in front of everyone. I leaned back in my chair and took a savory sip of my wine.

"You see," he began speaking to the old woman next to him, "I made several discoveries today. I discovered that I have many friends, but very few close companions. I also discovered that despite having so many friends, I am a lonely person."

Dinner arrived and the old woman patted Skywalker's hand in encouragement. "We all feel like that sometimes, child. But go on."

I couldn't help but smile when she referred to the Jedi Master as 'child'. At least we were in agreement on something! I stole a glance at the nerf steak that was placed in front of me and realized I wasn't hungry. No one else seemed too interested in the food, either.

"I understand, but today was different. Its the anniversary of when Cal… er, of when someone I really cared about left me."

Instantly I was horrified. That was _today_! I glanced across the table at Organa-Solo who met my eyes and returned a look as if to say, "See? He needed you tonight."

I closed my eyes and wanted to kick myself. Of course it was today. That's how Karrde knew I wasn't going to work tonight, and why we were even on Coruscant in the first place. I'd requested a long time ago that we be on-planet so that I could keep an eye on Skywalker. I knew he was going to have a rough day. How could I have forgotten? I sure hadn't made things any easier on him. I sighed as the Farm Boy continued.

"You see, when she left me, I kind of took it as a sign that I would always be alone and I resolved myself to that fact. But the truth is, I don't _want_ to accept that. This morning I meditated on it. The Force didn't show me any new faces for my future, I'm not going to meet someone and live happily ever after. What I saw was my family and friends. I saw my sister and her husband and my niece and nephews. I saw the people that I love. I understood that, at the time, as meaning that as long as they were with me, I would not be alone and they would be enough for me."

I felt horrible. Of course he would feel alone on a day like today. It's so easy for me to forget how important something like family can be to someone. I never really thought in terms like that. When I was younger, the only 'family' I knew was the Emperor, and growing old with a family was never even a fantasy, let alone something I expected out of life. Lately though, I can't deny that the idea has crossed my mind. I guess I just figured that if it happened, it happened. I wasn't about to devote a whole bunch of time and energy into looking for it. It must be so much different for Luke, having grown up with the idea that family is so essential, having to sit idly by while his sister's family grows, thinking that all the happiness he ever wanted would forever be just beyond his reach.

"What I didn't take into consideration was the fact that Visions can be very subjective. You'll see my point in a moment. A good friend of mine arrived on Coruscant early this morning after being away for far too long. She showed up at my door just after I had finished my meditation hoping to get a good workout with me at the gym. I didn't realize it at the time, but the Force was trying to tell me something."

Guilty feelings aside, I frowned slightly. Where was this going? And what did it have to do with me walloping him?

"Whatever it was trying to tell me, I wasn't listening. Anyway, my sister had been on my back about coming to this dinner tonight and I couldn't very well come alone, so after our workout I asked my good friend to come along and she agreed."

Suddenly all eyes turned to me. I was in the middle of hefting my glass to my lips, so I paused and lifted it a bit higher, "Cheers," I said and followed with a hefty swig of the garnet colored liquid.

Satisfied, they turned back to Skywalker.

"But something happened before we arrived here tonight. We had an argument. We have a lot of arguments, so I wondered: why did we spend so much of our time together bickering? And why did I value her friendship so much if all we ever did was fight? The answer was so simple, I couldn't believe it had taken me so long to figure out."

I couldn't help myself. I was skeptical, to say the least, but ultimately curious as heck to know his theory on why we were always at each other's throats. "So what did you figure out, Farm Boy?"

I raised my glass to take another sip, as he looked me in the eye and answered.

"I wasn't fighting _you_, Mara. I was fighting my _feelings_ for you."

I started to choke.

"Mara, I'm in love with you."


	9. Reaction

The wine was _everywhere_. How could there been so much still in the glass? My dress was obviously ruined, but I didn't really care about that. What I cared about was getting some blasted oxygen into my lungs! I was still coughing and sputtering and my throat simply refused to open.

How funny would it be if I ended like this? At least I wouldn't have to think about those words, and maybe that wouldn't be so bad after all.

Skywalker wasn't about to let me off so easily. He grabbed my hand and sent waves of calm washing over me. I could feel my muscles relax one by one, including my throat, and suddenly I could breathe again.

Well, then. I guess there was something to be said for having a Jedi around, after all.

I sat there for a minute, just breathing; staring at my empty glass lying on its side in front of me on the table amidst a slowly expanding red stain. I glanced down at my gown, one I had chosen because I knew Skywalker appreciated it. It was awful. Dark stains pooled in my lap and splashed across my chest and lower legs. I'd have to toss it. Shame.

Han spoke as if out of nowhere, "You know, Sweetheart, if you're going to hang around with this kid so much you really ought to do like Leia and me, and switch to drinking only white."

I looked up at him in surprise, as if only just realizing he was there. I quickly glanced across the table and noticed similar sympathetic stares from everyone else. No, this wouldn't do. I didn't want anyone's pity!

Abruptly I stood up, and then realized Skywalker was still holding my hand. I pulled it out of his grasp. I couldn't stay. I couldn't bear to see people looking at me like they all were. "I have to go."

I looked at Luke for the first time since his confession. I searched his face. His eyes were calm and I saw no embarrassment there. No trace of the pity that was splashed across everyone else's faces like the wine down my dress. There was just honesty. It was because of that look that I didn't run. "Luke, please take me home."

He nodded and quickly said 'goodbye' to everyone at the table. When he stood up, he shucked his suit coat and held it open for me to put on.

I slipped into the sleeves gratefully and then folded my arms across my abdomen. I remained silent, but nodded when Skywalker asked me, "Okay? Right, let's go."

He placed a warm hand at the small of my back and used his other to softly hold my elbow as he deftly guided me to the hall's exit.

Once outside, Skywalker signaled a driver and we were loaded into the dark privacy of the shuttle. I waited until the vehicle was moving before I accused, "How could you say something like that in front of so many people? It was none of their business."

The Jedi didn't back down, "It was the only place I knew I could get you to sit down and listen to all I had to say. I tried to tell you when we were outside, Mara. You didn't want to listen to me, you just ran away. You've been running away from me all night!"

"Oh yeah?" I retorted hotly, "And just why do you think that is?"

"Because you're in love with me, too."

"That's twice tonight I've been accused of that by a Skywalker! And let me assure you, Jedi, contrary to popular opinion it is _not_ true!"

"I believe it is. You just can't admit it to yourself."

"Impossible!"

Looking as frustrated as I felt, the Jedi threw his hands up in the air, "Why can't you stop to even consider it as a possibility? What are you afraid of?"

"Afraid? I'm not afraid of anything! I don't need to consider the possibility, because I _know_ I don't need you! _I don't need anyone!_"

Suddenly quiet, Skywalker leaned back in his seat, "I didn't say you _needed_ me, Mara. I was talking about love."

"Love, need, same thing." I could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on and started to massage my temples.

Adamantly, Skywalker shook his head, "No, Mara. They're two completely different concepts, how hard is that to understand?"

My fuse ran out and I exploded, "I don't know, Farm Boy! You're the expert on love, families and happiness! You're the one with all the answers, why don't you explain to me how it all works, because apparently I haven't the foggiest idea!"

Luke looked at me and froze, studying my face with his head cocked to one side. "You're right." It was a statement more to himself than to me. "You don't."

"That's what I've been saying, you knucklehead! I don't love you."

"No, not that. What you just said. The part about not knowing how love works."

I crossed my arms in defiance and snorted. "It's called sarcasm, Farm Boy. I've had a few lovers over the years; I think I get how it works."

Ignoring me, he frowned and closed his eyes in concentration, "You're afraid to let yourself love."

"Nonsense! Skywalker, that's just ridiculous. I told you…!"

"You're afraid…because you think that would mean you'd have to depend on someone other than yourself."

I was outraged at his presumption. Who did he think he was? "GET OUT OF MY HEAD, JEDI!"

I couldn't stand this barrage any longer, so I keyed a switch on the side panel. "Driver, right here is fine, thanks."

I was still several blocks from my building's sector, but I'd much rather walk the remaining distance in solitude than sit here and listen to this drivel.

The driver pulled over and I was out of the transport before you could say 'Mitth'raw'nuruodo'. I turned to look back inside the vehicle. Skywalker started to say something, but I managed to cut him off, "Take this as a token of my love and affection, Jedi." I slammed the door shut and disappeared inside the building behind me.


	10. Searching for the Truth

Thanks everyone for your patience! I know I said I'd have this story completed by now, but I think my saying that just jinxed it. Anyway, it's nearly finished now, but I have more stuff I can add to make it longer if I want to, I haven't decided yet. Anyway, let me know what you think.

And I most certainly want to thank everyone out there who's given me reviews! I really love to hear what you like/dislike about my stories, so keep 'em coming!

Alright, on with the show…

-K

* * *

I reached my apartment quickly and signaled my door to close behind be as I stormed inside.

Fuming, I realized I was still wearing Skywalker's jacket. I threw it off with a scowl and headed to the 'fresher where I could rid myself of my soiled garments before jumping into the shower.

I felt only marginally better when I exited the unit and toweled myself off. I had tried to clear my mind and relax in the steamy spray, but every time I closed my eyes, that intolerable face appeared touting accusations of love and fear. Oh, how it made me want to scream! Why was it that I could never get away from him?

Throwing on an old pair of grey jogging shorts and a ratty, worn tank shirt, I found myself walking familiar steps towards the kitchenette. I hadn't eaten since long before my workout with the Jedi this morning, but I just wasn't hungry and couldn't bring myself to force anything down. Instead, I grabbed a glass and decanter from my countertop and moved to the sofa in the other room.

"_Why can't you stop to even consider it as a possibility? What are you afraid of?" _The voice echoed in my head. I reached for my glass of Corellian whisky and was surprised to find that I had finished it off already. I poured myself another and swallowed that one nearly as fast. I could feel the fiery liquid slide down the back of my throat and spread its warmth across my body.

I reached again for the decanter, ready to pour yet another drink, and stopped my hand in mid-air. Why did I want another drink? To drown out the cacophony of thoughts and voices in my head, of course. Just another few glasses and I'd reach that blissful mental silence of inebriation.

I dropped my outstretched hand back into my lap and absently drummed an unconscious tattoo on the side of my glass.

Why couldn't I just sort through it all? Was I that terrified of what I'd find? Was that it then, I wanted to get drunk because I couldn't face my own thoughts? Was I running from myself now, too?

I Briefly shook my head.

_What am I doing?_

I took a deep breath and attempted to organize the mess in my mind.

Okay, sure. I'll admit that I care about Skywalker. Today, for example: I'd intended to distract him from thinking about Callista because I knew how much he was hurt when she left. I would have done the same for any friend of mine.

But would I really have gone to such lengths? Of course I would have.

Well, no. That's not exactly true.

I sighed as I finally let the memories rush back to me…

Honestly, I knew Skywalker's whole 'Callista thing' was a disaster from the beginning. I'd met her once or twice at the start of their relationship and she struck me as rather odd. There was something wrong about her. I mean, the fact that she was a body-snatching freak could have been my first clue, and I'll never understand how Skywalker was ever okay with that part, but she just left me with a very bad feeling. Who was I to interfere, though? Skywalker was a big boy; he could make his own decisions, even if they were the wrong ones. Besides, who's to say he would have listened to me, even had I warned him?

That's when I decided it would be a good idea if I distanced myself from the two of them. I convinced myself it would be best for everyone involved if I weren't around. The year that followed was one of the longest I've ever experienced since the death of the Emperor. I threw myself into my work, and while I know that Karrde appreciated my enthusiasm, I'm sure he knew the real reason behind it. He never actually came out and asked about Skywalker and his new romantic interest, but he would make casual references to the Academy and Yavin, or the Jedi in general just to gauge my reactions.

I checked up on him often enough. Of course I kept in contact with his sister and a number of his students at the Temple. I think I knew it was going to happen. It wasn't a matter of _if_ so much as _when_ she would leave him. And I was ready when she did.

What a mess…

When I went to see him a few weeks after she'd gone, I was prepared for a mopey, sobbing Jedi. I _wasn't_ prepared for the waves of heartbreak and despair rolling off him like rain off a Kaminoan rooftop. That was the moment Luke Skywalker was at his worst.

When I entered his apartment, the first thing I noticed, aside from the barrage of pain, was the smell. It was a mixture of whiskey and stale air. I'd never seen his place in such disarray. The Farm Boy was positioned on a chair near the entry wearing a sweat-stained under-tunic and a greasy pair of pants. When he lifted his head from his hands to see who was invading his solitude, I could tell he hadn't showered or shaved in days, and I was amazed at how he'd been able to recreate the color of my hair in what should have been the whites of his eyes.

I'll never forget the look he gave me that day. The shame in his eyes was almost more than I could bear. I did the only thing I could think of to help him out, and I remember the exact words I used, "I need a workout. Grab your lightsaber, we're going sparring."

And a workout it was. Luke fought with a vehemence I'd never seen in him before and haven't seen since. We dueled for hours and hours; I remember begin hard-pressed to even keep up with him, and though I'd never have admitted it to anyone, I was near exhaustion by the time we called it quits. We're usually pretty equally matched, but that day Skywalker won every round solidly, with no question.

I stuck around for another couple weeks, under the guise that Karrde had unfinished business he needed me to attend to in the area. Skywalker and I sparred nearly every day, never as intense as that first session, but still rough enough for me to be sore by the time we finished.

He seemed to get a little better each day, mentally. He cleaned himself up, straightened up his apartment, and even went out to visit his sister once or twice. When that happened I knew he was going to pull through and took it as my cue to depart, which I did only after promising to return every few months for a 'rematch'.

So…no. I'd have to say that I_ wouldn't_, in fact, have gone to such lengths for any old friend. Skywalker was a special circumstance. I mean, _somebody_ has to look out for the guy, right? He certainly isn't up to the task, himself, and his sister is too busy keeping the New Republic together.

Okay, okay. We've already established that I care about the Jedi, and I'd be blind or lying if I said he wasn't attractive.

"But love?" I spoke into my empty glass and was mildly surprised when it answered me.

"Why not?"

I came back from my reverie and looked up to the sight of a familiar backwater smile peering in from my doorway.

I smirked before stating, "I really should remember to lock my door when I come home for the evening."

Skywalker continued his smile, "I brought food. Can I come in?" He held up a large brown sack as a peace offering.

As if on cue, my stomach gave a loud grumble.

"I'll take that as a 'yes." The Jedi lowered the bag and stepped through the doorway.


	11. Mistakes

I wanted to throw an extra-special 'thanks-a-million!' to my beta-tester Lauriana. You kick ass, Sweetie. Thanks for the support!

-K

* * *

Skywalker made his way into the kitchenette with his bag of food and as he walked past, a savory aroma wafted towards me causing my stomach to grumble yet again. 

I scowled down at my traitorous belly and noticed I was still clutching my empty tumbler. Suddenly embarrassed about how much I'd had to drink, I silently set the glass down next to the decanter on the table in front of me and threw a surreptitious glance at the man in my kitchen, who was doling out portions of something that smelled incredible.

I inhaled deeply as I stood up and tried to speak over the rumble emitting from my mid-section, "Mmm, what is that? Ithorian?" I walked over to the small kitchen and leaned on the support beam for the entry.

"Nope, just a stew I used to have when I was young. My Aunt Beru would make it when my Uncle and I had had a rough day." Skywalker looked up at me and grinned, "I'd say this qualifis as one of those days, wouldn't you?"

I snorted in agreement and then nodded to the carafe beside his bag. "What's that?"

The Jedi followed my line of sight to the carafe and picked it up, "This," he said with great fanfare, "is blue milk. No Beru Stew is complete without it."

I raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Honestly, just a little Farmer's concoction. Completely innocent and yet surprisingly refreshing."

I had an idea. I grabbed two glasses from a cabinet and placed them on the counter near Skywalker, "Just like you, I guess." I used just enough sarcasm to leave him wondering, "But does it taste as good?"

The Jedi's eyes widened and he nearly lost hold of the carafe.

I watched his cheeks flush as I reminded him of our kiss and I nearly laughed. His attempt to pour the milk into the glasses I'd provided seemed to take a lot of concentration on his part, but he managed to finish without spilling too much, so instead I grinned.

I hoisted myself up and sat on the countertop. "A little jumpy, aren't we Farm Boy?" I prodded him with my big toe and he swatted it out of his way.

"Where's your cutlery?" He replied, choosing to ignore my taunt.

I slowly straightened my legs and pulled the drawer open beneath them to give Skywalker access to the utensils it contained.

He had to reach between my calves to grab a few pieces from the drawer and I took the opportunity to graze my leg against his arm. Skywalker instantly froze. His gaze followed the length of my leg from foot to thigh, then continued up my torso, chest, neck and face to rest on my eyes.

I held his wide-eyed gaze as I leaned forward to lift his hand from the drawer. My left foot pushed the drawer closed again and I slinked off the counter, placing myself just a handful of centimeters from the hypnotized Jedi.

I was reminded that Skywalker was still in his tuxedo when he tugged at his collar and I saw his adams apple bob below his tie when he swallowed. Beads of perspiration were collecting along his brow and his breath seemed to be caught in his throat.

I stepped even closer, but Skywalker backed away a little. I took another step, then raised my arms and encircled his neck, but he ducked after a second, spun, and wound up at my back while I was left grasping nothing but air.

"What's wrong, Farm Boy? Isn't this what you want?" I said with a scowl.

"No, Mara." He replied forcefully. "This isn't you at all. This is just a part you play. A part that you've played before and one that I have no doubt you're very good at."

I frowned. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

"Why does it have to be a game with you, Jade?" I heard the disgust and disappointment in his voice. "I've played those games before and I'm sick of them."

I watched with a confused look as Skywalker gathered up his coat that I'd discarded earlier on the floor. He glanced at the dishes full of stew that we hadn't touched yet, then looked back at me. He suddenly seemed very tired.

"I thought we could talk over a nice meal. That's all I wanted. But you had to go and do whatever it was you were trying to do. I don't like being manipulated any more than you do, Jade. Give me a call when you find the part of you that's not scared to be yourself. I'd really like to talk to her sometime."

The Jedi sighed and shook his head, "Enjoy your dinner." He signaled the door's release and turned to leave.

I stood in the middle of the kitchen, dumbfounded, for what seemed to be an eternity. In reality it wasn't any more than a second or two before I came to my senses.

"Wait," I said, in desperation. I could feel the color drain from my face as Skywalker slowly turned around.

"What is it now, Mara?" He said without emotion.

I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say, so I just looked at him. I didn't know what I wanted; I just knew I didn't want him to leave. Not like this. Skywalker was right. I did make everything a game. It was always about who had the upper hand and who was going to win. Why couldn't I just let things be what they were and leave it at that?

"That's what I thought," The Jedi's shoulders slumped a bit as he turned to leave once more, "Good night, Mara."

In that instant I knew that if I let him walk out now, I'd regret it for the rest of my days. My eyes widened and my hands balled unconsciously. I tried to call out, but my breath failed me. I couldn't say what I needed to say and I panicked at the thought of losing Skywalker forever. I worked some saliva back into my tongue and pried my mouth open to form the words that wouldn't come out any louder than a whisper, "Wait, Luke. Please don't go."

I don't know if he didn't hear or if he just chose to ignore me. Either way, he was gone and the door slid closed behind him.


	12. Again

Okay, here's the deal. I thought I wanted to be done with this story. But I've decided I like it too much to be done already, so I've mapped a way to stretch it out a bit. So, it looks like at least a few more chapters are on their way. Sorry to those of you who were hoping for a quick resolution! Anyway, here's a little tidbit to tide you over until we start the good stuff.

I promise we'll get there! So, enjoy!  
-K

* * *

I stood there for a handful of seconds before my body decided to listen to my brain. I ran out into the corridor and called out, "Skywalker!"

The Jedi stopped, but only half-turned his head back towards me.

"Where are you going? Come back and eat," I said dumbly.

He waited a handful of seconds before responding jadedly, "I'm leaving Coruscant for a while. I need to meet with someone about acquiring some new training materials for the Academy. I've been putting it off for too long."

"What, now?"

"Yes, now."

"So you were just going to take off without telling me, is that it?" I accused.

"Since when do I need your permission to do _anything_, Jade?" A trickle of hostility leaked through his Jedi calm, invoking a reactionary response from myself.

"Fine!" I spat, "You do whatever the hell you like. It's no skin off my teeth if you want to traipse across the galaxy on some crackpot Jedi crusade. It's none of my business where you go or what you do, and you know what? I like it that way, I've got my own problems to deal with."

I gave his profile a scalding stare and met his gaze as he turned to face me fully. With my arms crossed in front of me, and my chin held high, I dared him to tell me otherwise.

"Of course you're right," Skywalker replied hotly, then narrowed his eyes, "It must be pretty lonely not caring about anyone, but it must leave you plenty of time to work on your own problems, like you said. Good luck to you."

And with that, Skywalker turned on his heel and disappeared down the corridor.

Fine. Fine, fine, fine! If he wanted to act like a nerf herder and run off on his own, that was his business. I wasn't about to stop him. He needed some time to cool off, anyway.

_But then why did I have such a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach?_

I scowled, "Damn that Jedi." Whenever he goes off on his own, he always manages to screw things up and get himself into trouble. Of course this meant I was going to have to go after him.

I was a few meters down the corridor towards the hangar bay before I realized I should change a grab a few things first. My scowl deepened as I stopped and turned around.

Just then my abdomen issued a warning rumble.

What was I thinking? I wasn't about to go chasing Skywalker clear across the galaxy simply because of a stomachache. I shook my head slightly to help clear my thoughts, and then headed back into my apartment chalking up the feeling of dread in my stomach simply as hunger pangs.

Back inside, the smell of Beru's Stew enticed another ferocious growl from my waist. I walked straight to my kitchen and took a huge mouthful of Skywalker's desert cuisine.

Wow. Skywalker had been holding out on me. I made a mental note to get the recipe from him when he got back from his pilgrimage.

I finished up the stew and decided to leave the mess for the morning, then headed to bed early.

I couldn't have been sleeping for more than twenty minutes when my comm center beeped; I could tell immediately that it was Organa-Solo by the hailing signal she used. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I glanced at my bedside chrono. What felt like twenty minutes had been more like five hours. I made my way in the dark to the desk and chair in the corner of my living room.

With a sigh, I unceremoniously plopped myself into the chair and hit the key to accept the call. Leia's concerned face materialized on the screen before me and started to speak.

"Oh good, you're up,"

"It's three in the morning, Leia. Of course I'm up." I said with all the sarcasm I could muster at this point.

"Is my brother there? I just wanted to make sure the two of you got back safe,"

"No you didn't, you wanted to be nosy," I replied bluntly, raising an eyebrow.

Leia frowned and wrinkled her forehead in concern, "Alright, call it being nosy if you want, but I'm worried about Luke. Is he there with you? I tried to reach him at his apartment and on his personal comm, but he's either not there or not answering."

I let my eyebrow assume its normal positioning. Skywalker didn't tell his sister he was leaving? It wasn't like him to conceal anything from his twin, and then to not take her calls.

I had no reason to lie, so I told her the truth, "No, Leia. He's not here. He left shortly after we got back from the party. He was leaving Coruscant for a while, I think he said something about a meeting with someone about the Academy."

Instantly, Leia's look of concern turned to one of shock, "What?"

"Skywalker had some meeting with someone about Jedi stuff."

Organa-Solo turned white, "He didn't tell you."

Excuse me? I narrowed my eyes suspiciously and spoke slowly, "Obviously. What didn't he tell me?"

Leia was beginning to look panicked, "Mara, he promised me he was going to talk to you about it. It was so important, I don't know why he didn't…" She trailed off.

"We had an argument before he left," I offered.

Leia's eyes widened even more and her hand rose to cover her mouth.

"Solo, what didn't he tell me? What the hell is going on?" I repeated, starting to lose my patience.

In a shaky voice she whispered one word, "Callista."

I froze, "No."

Leia nodded.

I refused to believe it, "No, it's not possible. She's gone."

Light glanced off the tear that rolled down the cheek of Skywalker's sister when she froze my heart with her next two words, "She's back."


	13. Determination

I'd just like to take a moment here to say how much fun it is to write this story. The fact that so many of you take the time to read it, and actually enjoy it, just blows my mind. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that's been leaving feedback for me, you guys really help keep up my momentum.

Thanks guys, now let's have some more fun, shall we?  
-K

* * *

I stared blankly at the screen in front of me.

"…hear me? Mara, hello?"

I blinked a few times and tried to concentrate on what Leia was saying.

With a stoic expression, I returned to the conversation at hand, "Please explain."

Organa-Solo could sense my detachment and continued warily, "She showed up out of the blue maybe two weeks ago wanting to see Luke. He refused to see her, so she took off. When she went away, she left a message behind for him. I think it was instructions on how to find her, and if I'm not mistaken, she wanted to teach at the Academy. At least that's what she wanted Luke to believe."

"So you think she was lying?" I was still trying to make some – ANY – sense of this whole mess.

Leia shrugged, "I don't know. I think she just wanted Luke back and was doing what she thought he would want her to do."

I closed my eyes and sighed. After a short pause, I looked at the view screen again with a fresh determination, "You wouldn't have a copy of that message she left for Skywalker, would you?"

The former Princess raised her eyebrows at me, "Yes. You're going after him?"

I snorted.

Organa-Solo could only nod, "I'm sending the coordinates to the Jade's Fire now," I saw Leia key a few commands into the terminal on her side of the connection before she continued, "Do you need anything else?"

I replied with a steely determination, "No, I'll see you when I'm back."

She nodded again, "Right. May the Force be with you."

I ended the call with a simple keystroke and leaned back in my chair.

I took a deep breath and let go of my emotions. I pushed back the rising anxiety from the pit of my stomach and stopped the racing of my mind. I concentrated on Skywalker's dim presence and extended my awareness in all directions hoping to find the bright glimmer I knew to be his Force Signature.

Nothing.

I frowned and squeezed my eyes closed. What if he was too far away?

I took another deep breath and centered myself. With all the strength and energy I could muster, I screamed through the Force,_ "LUKE!"_

Still nothing.

I opened my eyes and was surprised to find myself no longer on the chair, but hunched over, kneeling on the floor with my hands clenched in tight fists at my temples. A sudden burning in my lungs reminded me to breathe again and I massaged the little crescent shaped cuts on the palms of my hands where my fingernails had dug into the flesh.

Though I was shaken, I didn't have time to think about what all that meant. I needed to get going. Gingerly, I got to my feet and hurried to the 'fresher to splash some water on my face.

Less than five minutes later I was changed, packed, and out the door.

Less than twenty minutes after that, I was feeding coordinates to the Fire's navigational system and preparing to jump to lightspeed.

When the navicomputer gave me the signal, I engaged the hyperdrive and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding while the stars stretched into starlines.

Hyperspace…

I'd learned a lot about myself during my countless solo voyages through hyperspace. I used to use the time to communicate with the Emperor both before and after missions. After his death, I would use most of the time fantasizing about the many ways I could kill Skywalker once I found him. Funny, how now I'll be utilizing this time to figure out how I'm going to save him.

I frowned and pulled my legs up next to me on the chair's cushion. How was I going to explain this to Skywalker when I found him? Certainly I'd know what to say when I see the two of them together.

My frown deepened. Why in the name of the Force would he go back to her after everything she put him through?

Skywalker deserves better than her. He needs someone who's strong, who'll look out for his best interests, even when he doesn't; someone who understands him as the Farm Boy behind the Jedi, not the other way around. He needs someone who will respect him, not coddle him.

What he really needs is someone who's not afraid to stand up to him, to challenge his beliefs and make him work for things every once in a while.

Callista couldn't do any of that for Skywalker. She's a weakling; no more than a puny little body snatcher whose sole interest is the title that follows Luke's name: Jedi Master. She couldn't take care of him. She wouldn't know the first thing about making him happy. There's no way she could look after him the way I do.

My feet dropped to the floor with an ominous thud that echoed through the cockpit.

Oh, Force.

He was right.

I _was_ in love with him.

Suddenly, so many things fell into place and just made sense. For example: my desire to grab that skinny girl's head and give it a good quick twist.

I snorted as I heard the imaginary, yet satisfying "Snap," in my head.

I sighed and rested my head in my hands. How could I not have seen this coming? Obviously, everyone else did. Callista probably had, too, when she was still around before. She must have had her suspicions…it would explain her open hostility towards me, anyway.

So now what? No change in plans, that much was certain.

I checked the timer, just a few more minutes until realspace reversion.

Things were about to get a whole lot more interesting.


	14. Confrontation

Here we go again! Thanks for the great reviews, everyone! And thanks again, Lauriana for all your great beta-help, this SMACK's for you!

Enjoy!  
-K

* * *

Three, two, one; I watched the timer count down to zero and held my breath for the half-second of disorientation I always felt when returning from lightspeed.

When the starlines had settled into their stationary pinprick positions, I glanced at the display and studied the small, abandoned Imperial Outpost directly ahead of me.

So this is where Skywalker's former lover had decided to call home. Interesting.

I relaxed for a moment, stretching out with the Force. What I felt was not comforting: most of the station was blank and I couldn't sense Luke's presence. I frowned in concentration, trying to determine if it was a combination of my limited abilities and proximity to the Outpost, or if the wench had, in fact, populated her new home with ysalamiri. As the old Imperial station grew closer, I became more confident of the latter.

"This is going to be fun," I said sardonically to my computer as the Jade's Fire positioned itself on the number two docking bay platform. When the bay doors had closed and the air-pressure normalized, I ventured outside my ship.

The docking bay itself was rather small, but then so was the station it was attached to, so it didn't take long for me to cross to the entry passage to the rest of the Outpost.

I half expected to see Skywalker marching up to me with a bothered look on his face. Instead, I was surprised to find a mousy young deck hand walking lazily in my direction.

"Mara Jade?" The girl assumed with a voice that perfectly matched her appearance.

I gave her a curt nod, "Where's Skywalker?"

The deck hand slowed, then started walking in reverse as I caught up to her in the hall, "Um, who?"

I stopped suddenly and gave the girl a piercing stare. She stumbled slightly before recovering, then held out her hand, "Um, sorry. Name's Jesiqua."

I raised an eyebrow and made no move to shake the girl's hand.

Jesiqua adopted a wary look and dropped her arm to her side.

I waited a handful of seconds before crossing my arms across my chest and sighing.

Guardedly, she continued, "I'm pretty new here. Callista's on her way, though. She told me to show you to the mess hall."

When she made no move to direct me, I felt my patience drain. I gestured down the hall, "I'm sorry, am I supposed to guess where to go then? You'll tell me if I get warm?"

Jesiqua's face turned bright pink and she mumbled something like an apology. I felt a small pang of guilt for belittling the girl, but at the same time, this place was giving me the creeps. I just wanted to find Skywalker, talk some sense into him and get the hell out of here. And maybe take Callista down a few notches while I was at it, just for good measure.

Fortunately for her, the young deck hand collected herself quickly and started off down the hall, calling out over her shoulder, "It's this way."

"Thanks," I said dryly, and followed.

The mess wasn't that far away. It wouldn't have taken me very long to find it, had I been on my own, but I was glad Jesiqua was sent to guide me. Callista was alone, sitting at one of the small tables when we arrived.

The mousy girl inclined her head in acknowledgement of Callista when we entered, then stole a nervous glance in my direction before nearly running out of the room.

I stood my ground just inside the entrance and sized up the former Jedi seated in the middle of the hall. She looked very tired. Her eyes seemed dull and her long chestnut hair fell limply down her back.

I almost felt pity for her until a vision of Skywalker, bleary-eyed and broken - not long after she had left him, flashed painfully across my memory.

"Where's Skywalker?" I demanded, taking a small amount of satisfaction in the slight wince she felt at the sound of his name.

I met Callista's eyes and was startled by what I read in them. Was she challenging me?

"If Luke wanted you to know where he was, don't you think he would have told you?" Her words were clear and cold, just as I remembered them.

I scowled, "I'm here, aren't I?"

Callista gave a hollow laugh, "Yes, I suppose you are."

My scowl hardened. "Look, I've had enough of all the games. Are you going to tell me where Skywalker is or aren't you?"

With a sigh, the slender woman stood up and pushed her chair under the table, "Mara, we obviously don't like each other very much. What makes you think that now, of all times, I would tell you where he is?"

"I have ways of convincing people to talk," I threatened.

The former Jedi was unimpressed. "Of course you do," she replied flatly.

"So start talking!" I was beginning to recall exactly why it was that this woman annoyed me so much.

She rolled her eyes, "You want me to believe that you're going to use some ghastly Imperial interrogation techniques on me to find someone who used me as a way to hide from you? Honestly, I think Luke would really love that when he found out."

So much for that bluff, "Who says he's hiding from me?" I asked, taking a few steps towards the smaller woman.

Callista smirked and quoted me, "You're here, aren't you?"

Angry that she had hit so close to the mark, I snarled. "He doesn't love you anymore, Callista. He's long since gotten over you, stop trying to protect him."

Now it was Callista's turn to be angry. She quickly closed the distance between us with four long strides, then whispered between clenched teeth, "He told me he'd _never_ stop loving me and that you meant _nothing_ to him."

"Liar!" I shouted.

Disgust washed over me as quickly as a Kaminoan storm and I found the palm of my hand making contact with the apple of her cheek in a loud and satisfying 'SMACK'!

Focused on the stinging of my hand, I somehow missed the fist flying at my face until it connected with the bridge of my nose, bringing with it a blinding pain and trickle of blood.

My eyes flashed with hatred and before I knew what I was doing, I had the former Jedi pinned beneath me on top of the nearest table. I wanted nothing more than to crush her lying throat with the black-gloved hand I was using to choke her.

Her eyes rolled to the right and several emotions passed almost instantly across her face; pain, loss, defeat and finally guilt. She looked back at me, still struggling under my hold and trying desperately to draw breath, then smiled.

Taken aback, I let my grip on her neck slip slightly, but held my ground.

"Mara!"

I looked up to see Skywalker charging at me with concern written plainly across his face.

With a sigh of relief, I started to let Callista up from the table, "I'm fine, Skywa…"

I didn't finish my sentence. Skywalker pushed me out of the way and pulled Callista up into a sitting position, "Force, Calli, are you okay?"

I had to blink several times and take a step backwards to make sure I wasn't imagining this.

Skywalker hugged Callista to him and looked at me with accusing eyes, "What were you thinking, Mara? You could have killed her!"

It was uncomfortably cold as I stood there, not knowing what to do, with blood dripping from my nose, watching the man I was in love with hold another woman.

And all I could think of to say was, "She started it."


	15. She Gave Me Sass

You guys are the best. Ever.

Okay, here's another chapter. I know it's not as great as that last one, but the NEXT one...watch out::wink, wink, nudge, nudge:

Again, thanks for the awesome reviews, and to Lauriana for getting that treo so she can beta for me even at work! Enjoy!  
-K

* * *

Once Skywalker had convinced himself that Callista's trachea wasn't about to collapse, he turned and glared at me accusingly.

With a strained voice, he conjured words to mirror his look, "You could have killed her, Mara." He shook his head leaned against a support pillar.

I returned his glare half-heartedly and defended myself, "Skywalker, you and I both know that if I'd really wanted to kill her, I would have." I shifted my gaze to Callista, "No offense."

Callista glared at me as she dramatically massaged her neck. "None taken," she replied in a sarcastic rasp.

I gave Skywalker a look that said, 'I told you so' and pinched my nose as I tilted my head back.

"That's not the point! What were you doing attacking Callista in the first place?" He drew both his hands slowly down his face before shaking his head and letting out a long sigh of frustration.

I frowned and let go of my nose, "She was being uncooperative," I paused, then added, "And she gave me sass."

Again, the Jedi Master sighed as he looked back and forth between Callista and myself, trying to make sense of it all. Finally his gaze rested on his former lover. I could see the distant pain in his eyes threatening to take over, and my expression darkened.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Calli?" He croaked.

Suddenly, it was like a miracle of the Force. Her throat seemed to give her no more trouble, and she actually got down on her knees in front of Skywalker and pleaded, "Oh, Luke! I thought I was protecting you. I just wanted to see you again, to explain myself. I've…I've made such a terrible mistake! Luke, I never stopped loving you. Please. Please, give me another chance to make you happy."

I stood there gaping as a haunted expression passed across Skywalker's face. The pain she had caused him was still fresh in his memory and I read it as plain as if he'd shouted it out loud. Even with the ysalamiri blocking the Force I could tell he was hurting. He closed his eyes for just a moment before speaking, "No, Calli. Our time is over. I've moved on. I told you this when you tried to see me before. I told you I didn't want to see you again."

"But Luke, I still…I still…" she persisted.

He let out a long breath, "Calli. We might have had a chance if you had stayed with me. But you didn't believe in us. I know, now, that you're not the one for me. I'm sorry to have caused you any pain, but I at least owe it to you to be honest." Skywalker bowed his head and when he lifted it again, the strength was back in his eyes.

He looked over at me with a fresh determination before speaking, "Come on, Mara. Let's go."

I glanced at Callista, whose face was now wet with tears, as I followed Skywalker from the mess hall. I stopped just shy of the threshold and turned back to the weeping girl. I wanted to say something…_anything_, I opened my mouth just as she let out a heart-wrenching sob and buried her face in her hands. With a last look of confusion I closed my mouth, turned back to the exit and jogged a few steps to catch up with Skywalker.

"So…you going to tell me why you were hiding from me here?" I asked, following half a step behind him.

"I wasn't hiding from you, Jade. In fact, I followed you here." The Jedi kept his eyes forward.

"What are you talking about, Skywalker? _I_ followed _you_ here." I was getting impatient again, and it was showing in my tone.

Skywalker stopped unexpectedly and I walked right into him, re-injuring my nose on his shoulder blade. "Dabbit, Jedi! Dat _HURT_!" I exclaimed, pinching my nose again to keep from splaying blood down my front.

Skywalker turned around, got one good look at me and burst out laughing.

My eyes darkened in annoyance, "Dat's right, Jedi. Keeb laughing. You won't have dat bleasure for buch longer." Somehow, my nasally voice didn't sound all that threatening, which just caused him to laugh even harder.

Tears started to squeeze from the corners of his eyes and he tried to speak, "Sh…she r-r-really gotchoo good!"

Skywalker was clutching his side, nearly doubled over in laughter when I shot him my best glare and stepped past him. I didn't need this.

I continued on to the docking bay and boarded the _Fire._ I went straight to the cockpit and started up the preflight sequence. I simply didn't want to think about Skywalker right now, I was too embarrassed about how I'd acted in front of Callista. My cheeks flushed as I replayed the events in my head.

"You know, I wouldn't have pegged you as the jealous type."

The voice came from behind, startling me enough to cause me to jump slightly. I didn't look back, instead I focused on priming the repulsorlifts, "What are you doing in here? I thought you came in your own ship."

Skywalker plopped himself into the co-pilot's seat and turned to face me, "I did, but I'm leaving it for Callista, so I'll need a ride."

My head snapped towards him in surprise, "What? You're giving her your ship!"

The brave Jedi Master cringed, "Ooooh, does that still hurt?" He jumped out of his seat and dashed out of the cockpit calling over his shoulder, "Hang on a sec,"

"Blast it, Jedi! You didn't answer me! Get back here!" I winced and resolved not to yell again until my nose had healed.

Hurrying back into the cockpit, Skywalker sat back down in the co-pilot's seat, "Don't worry, it wasn't my X-wing or anything that good. Just the first piece of junk I could commandeer from the hangar on Coruscant. Here, let me see,"

I cocked an eyebrow as I turned in my seat to face him, "See what, my broken face?" I could already feel the swelling coming on.

Skywalker scrunched up half his nose and pulled a wet towel from somewhere. "I'm sorry if this hurts," he said apprehensively, then dabbed at my face with the towel.

I tried to pull away, but he grabbed the back of my neck and held me in place, "Stop it," I demanded.

"I'm just going to clean you up a little until we get away from all these ysalamiri and you can heal properly," he countered.

"Skywalker, I can do this myself," I insisted.

He paused with the towel in midair to make is point, "But I can do it better, so just shut up or this is going to hurt,"

I scowled and rolled my eyes, but let him continue administering his treatment. I studied his concerned face while he tenderly wiped dried blood from mine. His eyes were filled with such caring, such devotion, it scared me. What had I ever done to deserve such emotions from this man? No, It was too much for me.

I swatted his hands away dismissively, "I…we've got to get going," I said in an unsteady voice.

Visibly deflated, Skywalker stood up, "Of course. I'll let you be alone for a while."

Staring out the viewport, I nodded, then returned to my preflight duties. How many times was I going to do this to him? How many times was he going to let me? The words he'd said to Callista when she begged him to take her back, 'you didn't believe in us.' Did _I_ not believe in us?

I finished with the preflight and took the _Fire_ out into open space. A few moments later, the coordinates were punched into the navi-computer and the stars stretched into starlines. Making a decision, I took a deep breath and stood up. What kind of hyperspace jump would this be, if I didn't learn a little bit more about myself?

I walked out to the common area where Skywalker was seated on the acceleration couch. He glanced up as I entered the room and offered me a questioning look.

I stood in the doorway for a moment before joining Skywalker on the couch.

The Jedi laced his fingers together under his chin and braced his elbows on the gaming table in front of him.

"I guess we have a lot to talk about," I started, tucking my legs beneath me on my seat.

Skywalker twisted his head towards me and wrinkled his brow, "Do we?"

I reached over and gently grabbed his chin, pulling his face closer to mine. When his eyes were close enough that I could count the individual flecks in them, I leaned in and kissed him.

A moment later, Skywalker was desperately trying to catch his breath, "Yeah, I suppose we do," he replied.


	16. Healing

Okay, I've got a lot of stuff for you guys. I didn't get all the good stuff I wanted into this chapter, so I held out until I had two to give you. The next chapter is done, and I should have it beta'd and posted in the next couple hours (and as an added bonus...it's my longest chapter ever, woo hoo!).   
So. Again, thanks for all the lovely reviews! I love to hear which bit is your favorite. :o) And on with the show...   
-K

* * *

All at once, the memories and feelings of last evening's events flashed through me…in particular, my brief interlude with the Jedi on the small balcony in the cool night air. But instead of lashing out in anger at this rush of jumbled emotions, I tried to hold on to them. I needed to study and catalogue them, to make myself understand. Did I truly love this man?

Skywalker's patience with me seemed infinite. I read the acceptance and careful encouragement in his eyes, as he in turn understood that I needed some time to sort through the mess in my head. With Skywalker's face still so close to mine, I was hesitant to move away. His presence radiated an aura of calm and comfort that I very much wanted to lose myself in. I heard the rapid beating of a pulse, tattooing a wild cadence in my ears, but whether it was his or mine I wasn't certain.

"Luke…" I searched his shining blue eyes for answers, but knew I wouldn't find the ones I was looking for.

"Yes, Mara?" Instead I found strength and support, caring and admiration. Those incredible eyes…they were a literal window into his soul. It was almost as if he had nothing to hide, that in fact he _wanted_ to share his soul with me. Of course I was right…Skywalker was never subtle.

Inspired, I considered a possibility. Maybe I didn't have to explain how I felt to Skywalker. If I just let him into my thoughts, he could see for himself. He could see that all this drama between the two of us was unnecessary, that this whole business with Callista was…

Pulling back, I frowned. Callista. What was it Skywalker had said earlier?

"Did you say that _you_ followed_ me_ to Callista's swanky chalet?"

A cloud of confusion passed briefly across his face as I thought to myself, '_Probably surprised him by my mention of Callista_.'

"Yes," the frown his face had adopted was noticeable in his voice.

"But _I_ followed _you_ to Callista's. After you'd left Coruscant, Leia woke me up in the middle of the bloody night to give me the Sith-forsaken coordinates!"

Running a hand through his unruly mane, he sighed, "When I left Coruscant, I was going to run a few errands for the Academy. I was on my way to Gaerdolln Prime to set up a new shipping and delivery system when I heard you scream for me through the Force."

My eyes widened in surprise, causing a small blossom of pain from my nose. I ignored the discomfort, "You heard that?" When I hadn't gotten a response, I'd thought my attempt had been fruitless. Of course, I had also wound up on the floor, clenched in a ball, but who was I to know that wasn't just normal Jedi stuff?

Skywalker's frown deepened but he continued his narrative, "Of course I heard it. It scared the bantha poo-doo out of me! I thought you were in some kind of danger, so I raced back to Coruscant only to find you had gone."

He thought I was in danger? Why would he have thought that? 

I looked down at my hands, remembering the crescent-shaped scars beneath the soft leather of my nerf-hide gloves. I _had_ been in danger…at least I had thought so at the time. I thought I was in danger of losing him to Callista. Somehow, I hadn't, and the Force only knew why...

"I tracked down Leia and got her to fess up."

"Fess up? To what?" What did Leia have to do with this?

Skywalker screwed up his face and continued, "In her defense she _did_ have our best interests in mind. But that really is no excuse."

"What are you getting at, Jedi?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes.

He adopted an apprehensive look and shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Now don't be angry, Mara," he said, his voice faltering somewhat, "But Leia knew that I had no intention of going to see Callista when she gave you those coordinates."

"She what!" I exploded. Jumping to my feet, I started pacing the lounge area peeling the gloves off my hands and throwing them forcefully across the lounge, "Why that conniving, meddling, snooty-nosed nerf-herder!"

Skywalker stood up as well and tried to calm me, "Snooty nosed?" he jested.

I shot him a look that warned him not to push me as the throbbing pain between my eyes dulled into a constant ache.

In exasperation, he took a different approach, "Mara, she really meant well. Can't you see?"

I snorted, painfully. Turning sharply, I stuck my finger in his face, "Of course I can see! I can't help but see a nosy woman interfering in affairs that have absolutely nothing to do with her! I told you before, Skywalker. I won't tolerate being manipulated like that!"

Skywalker reached up and gently enclosed my hand in his, curling my accusatory finger back with the others, "Mara, I know you're angry at what she did. I, too, was upset when I found out."

I puffed a stray hair out of my face in defiance and gave one of my best glares, but didn't pull away.

"What she did was wrong, I'm not denying that, but it worked out alright, didn't it?" Apparently he was overlooking my swollen nose and eyes that were slowly turning a sickly shade of purple.

He flattened my hand between his and started to massage my palm. The look of concern that played across his face when he turned over my hand and noticed the small wounds across it's fleshy base caused me to jerk away, but Skywalker was too fast for me and managed to hold tight.

"Mara?" He shot me a quizzical look.

I quickly wrestled my way out of his grasp, "It's nothing," I grumbled, hoping he'd drop it.

No such luck, "I know it's not nothing."

I leaned against the nearest bulkhead and slid down to squat on the floor. I wasn't sure, exactly, why I didn't want to tell him. Was I embarrassed? Yeah, I suppose, just a little. But it was more than that. I couldn't really put a finger on it, like so many of my emotions lately.

"Tell me what happened," he wasn't demanding or forceful, just genuinely concerned.

I frowned again, "It happened when I tried to contact you through the Force back on Coruscant," I said finally.

Skywalker waited patiently for me to elaborate.

"It was so important that I find you. I'd never tried to extend myself over so considerable a distance before. After trying to call to you through the Force, I opened my eyes and realized that I'd somehow wound up on the floor in the fetal position with my hands," I made tight fists and held them to my temples, "like this."

I dropped my hands to rest on my knees and leaned my head back against the wall behind me. I shot Skywalker a challenging look, daring him to belittle my fledgling Force skills or berate me for not devoting myself to Jedi training.

Instead, Skywalker stepped closer and knelt down in front of me, "You know what? I think we need some time to regroup. Why don't we put you into a healing trance for a bit?"

I eyed him suspiciously.

"Your face is looking pretty swollen, and uh…I could use some time to meditate," His stammering betrayed his concern.

Suddenly I was more than a little unsettled. Clearly, Skywalker had been rattled by my reaction to calling him through the Force. So much for passing off my little stunt as normal Jedi behavior.

"Alright," I acquiesced, "My nose aches like the blazes, anyhow." Maybe he'd have some answers for me when I woke up.

I let him hoist me up from the floor and lead me to the acceleration couch, "You should be fine here. Ready?"

I nodded and lay across the cushions, "Don't leave me under too long, okay Farm Boy?"

Luke gave a great impersonation of Solo's lopsided grin, "Hey, it's me!" He exclaimed, drawing a reluctant grin from myself.

He'd figure it out. This was Skywalker we were talking about. When had he ever failed? I felt my mouth twist into a smirk.

Skywalker closed his eyes and touched his fingertips to my forehead, starting my descent into a deep, healing sleep. I was drifting slowly to unconsciousness, feeling safe and warm, and the last thing I remembered before everything going dark was the sensation of Luke's soft lips caressing the palms of my hands with tiny, tender kisses.


	17. The Force

--My apologies for the double-post on this chapter...the formatting didn't load quite right!--

Alright, so it took a little longer than I anticipated. Sorry about that.

A very special thanks to Lauriana who stayed up even later after finishing up a 15-hour shift at work to give me some final revisions so I could get this bad boy posted tonight. Let's everyone give her a nice round of applause! Thanks, Lauri!

Okay, is everyone ready? Here we go!

-K

My eyes opened with a gentle flutter and I had to blink several times to focus. With a deep refreshing breath, I rolled my head to one side to see Skywalker sitting cross-legged on the floor next to me.

"Good morning," he smiled, "Feeling better?"

I cautiously reached up with one hand and felt the bridge of my nose. The swelling and tenderness was gone, it felt fine. "Mmm…good as new, thanks," I managed after working my dry mouth open and slowly sitting up.

Skywalker only smiled again and continued to stare at me.

"Alright Skywalker, spill it." I said, folding my arms across my chest and leaning back against the cushions.

The Jedi chuckled, but got up to join me on the couch.

"I did some meditation while you were healing. I wanted to understand what happened when you called me through the Force, and I think I have an idea," he paused to gauge my reaction.

I raised my eyebrows, intrigued, "Let's hear it, then."

"I think your mental shields caused it. You try too hard to keep everyone out of your head. Those barriers you erect in your mind don't just keep people out, they keep a big part of you in, as well. And when you tried to shout for me…" he took a deep breath.

"Like yelling in a small enclosed space," I elaborated for him, catching on, "The sound is magnified."

Skywalker nodded enthusiastically, "Exactly. What happened to you was your body's way of reacting to the pain you caused inside your mind." Cocking his head slightly to one side, he ventured, "It would also help explain why you didn't hear my reply. Either your shields were too tightly closed, or you were just shocked into unresponsiveness."

I toyed with the idea in my head. It seemed to make a lot of sense, but…I hadn't been actively enforcing my barriers at the time. I frowned. Maybe it was just so ingrained by now that I didn't have to think about doing it anymore.

I looked questioningly at Skywalker and slowly expanded my awareness through the Force. Sensing his bright presence immediately, I floated a thought to him, '_Can you hear me?'_

The Jedi's smile doubled in size when he realized what I was attempting, "You're coming through a little weak, and I don't get any actual words, but I am getting the meaning behind it." His smile faltered just a bit, "You're still locked up pretty tight, though. I can't seem to…" his faltering smile turned into a sudden frown, "are you _trying_ to keep me out?"

My forehead wrinkled in concentration as I tried to work myself backwards through the creation of my barriers, "Keep your knickers on, Jedi. I've had these blasted walls reinforced for so long it's become second nature to me. Give me a minute to let it up some," I chewed on the corner of my lip and tried to relax, waiting for the instruction to come to me. It didn't.

I shook my head slightly in confusion as the tension started to build. Why couldn't I work through this? I'd been the one to put these damn things up in the first place; I should be able to break them down if I wanted to!

"Mara, don't get frustrated. You need to relax"

"Don't tell me what I need, Jedi!" I said between clenched teeth. The harder I tried to knock down the walls in my mind, the stronger they seemed to become.

Skywalker placed his hand gently on my knee and offered a suggestion, "Perhaps if we tried together…"

I scowled at the presumptuous Jedi, "What, you think you know me better than I do?"

"No," he said carefully, "that's not what I meant, I just…"

"I know," I said softly, rubbing my temples in vexation.

I took in Skywalker's expression of calm and sighed. How could he have so much patience and I have so little? How could he still be so supportive of me when I treat him so cruelly? And when, exactly, had I come to hold him in such high regard?

"I'm sorry, Luke," I relented, placing my hand on top of his and offering a weak smile, "yes, I'd like to see if we can break through this together."

Skywalker gave my hand a squeeze and got down to business, "Okay, Mara. Extend your senses out, good, just like that. Now focus on me and tune everything else out."

I followed his instruction and started to focus on the bright spot right in front of me, ignoring everything else around me. With my eyes closed, I didn't see Skywalker take hold of both my hands, but I felt it and all of a sudden the contact between us strengthened ten-fold. I could sense a distinct pulsation coming from the center of his being and narrowed in on that. Slowly, the pulsing resolved into a familiar pattern. I centered my focus on the pattern, trying to decipher what it meant, but the harder I tried, the more it eluded my comprehension. I decided to take an alternate approach. I let go of my focus and let the pulsing pattern find me. It swirled in my subconscious and tickled my brain, teasing it, but I didn't hold on to it. I relaxed and reveled in the sensations of the Force flowing through me. I bathed in the beauty of the light beside me and was pondering its strong warmth, when I heard it. Or felt it. Or both.

"_Mara, I'm here. Please let me in."_

The pulsing pattern I'd been trying to crack had been Luke. And now I could hear him. It was quieter than a whisper and softer than a breeze, but it was there.

"_Luke, I can hear you,"_ I sent back and waited for the pulsing to wash over me again with his reply.

"That's great, Mara! Now that you can hear me, let's take a look at those walls. Show me how you constructed them and together we'll break them down."

I conveyed a sense of agreement and felt Skywalker's presence follow me as I climbed up into the recesses of my own mind. I showed him the pillars of my defense: my heartbeat, my brainwave pattern, and my Force signature. I then demonstrated how the three can be weaved together to form the beginnings of a protective web around parts, or all of your thoughts and feelings, and how it can be reinforced by then plaiting an intricate tangle of memories mixed with determination and resolve.

Skywalker's sense of awe over the subtle workings of my barriers was evident as we both took a few moments to get a feel for it. Silently, I showed him the several methods I'd tried to bring it down and he sent back a wave of comfort to sooth my rising frustration. After another few heartbeats, I felt an uncomfortable tug in my mind followed by a quick apology and rising excitement.

"_I'm going to try something,"_ he sent, _"I'm guessing it won't feel pleasant, but it shouldn't hurt."_

I had an idea as to what he was about to try and thought he might be on to something, so I gave him the go-ahead.

"If you experience any sort of pain, we'll stop."

I sent him a surge of encouragement, _"Whenever you're ready."_

It started slowly; I almost didn't notice it at first. It was a rather unpleasant feeling, more awkward than uncomfortable. It felt like a cold, wet Yiishaaarian noodle had somehow tangled up in my head and was now slowly being pulled free. I had to make a conscious effort to stay relaxed and to not fight it. The sensation seemed to go on forever. Realistically, it probably took only a few minutes.

When he was finished, I felt his anticipation grow and he pulled back just a little. _"Try it again, Mara."_

I took a cleansing breath and focused once more on the tangled weave of my mental barrier and realized what Skywalker had done. That one thread he removed…it was so obvious. It had been holding the whole thing together for so long. I wondered briefly how he'd spotted it, let alone managed to remove that solitary strand from the intricate tapestry in my mind.

_You will kill Luke Skywalker!_

Those words…I thought I had tossed them aside so long ago and left them to rot. Evidently, I had just buried them deep in my core where I couldn't see or hear them, but they remained, shielding me from the one person I had grown to admire. Keeping him out and locking me in.

Another inward glance at the web of shielding and I knew exactly what to do. A tug here, a slight pull there, and suddenly…

I gasped and held tight to Skywalker's grasp as the Force flooded through me. It was like absolutely nothing I had ever experienced before! All of a sudden everything was bright and my awareness stretched easily across the galaxy. I opened my eyes and the colors around me were more vibrant, the smells more intoxicating and the sounds more beautiful than anything I'd ever heard.

And Luke. I looked at him with wonder in my eyes. I could see the delight he felt, plainly on his face, but it was nothing compared to the sheer joy and love that simply oozed from him through the Force.

"I…I…" I didn't know what to say. I wanted to shout, to cheer and sing, but I lost my voice or didn't know the lyrics.

I could feel my eyes start to brim with tears and I realized my emotions were laid bare for the all the worlds to see.

I looked inwardly again, this time to reflect on myself. I knew Luke's presence was still with me, but I didn't care. In fact, the fragile connection we had shared had blossomed into a closeness that should have made me feel, at the very least, violated. Instead I found it comforting.

Sorting through my jumbled thoughts, I picked over the pieces and slowly examined them; an assassination for Palpatine, the smell of the purple plains on Dantooine, the mechanical breath of Vader, the velvety softness of the drapes that adorned my quarters on Imperial Center at the height of the Emperor's reign. I cherished the fuzzy recollection of a cozy house with a fireplace…a dark haired man and fiery haired woman sat holding a small child lovingly.

A tear slipped down my cheek and I felt a wave of sympathy from Luke.

The memories came unbidden after that. Memories I had tucked away so carefully, not wanting to feel the emotions associated with them. All the years I had spent under Palpatine's control, all the missions I had undertaken, now came flooding back to haunt me.

Waves of grief washed over me as my perfect memory replayed each occurrence. I couldn't stop it and I didn't want to. I deserved to feel the same pain I'd delivered to so many over the years. The Force was angry with me for locking it away, for ignoring the consequences of my actions and laughing in the face of Death. The battery of guilt, sorrow, and despair threatened to overwhelm me and I was willing to accept my fate when I recognized the comforting familiarity beside me siphoning off a fair amount of the rampant emotion. A fair amount, but not nearly enough.

_"Don't let it win! This is all in your past, Mara, you've changed. You've atoned for your mistakes and have been forgiven. Don't give in to the despair! You're stronger than this evil, my sweet Mara. You have to come back to me!"_

I could hear Luke's pleadings through the Force as clear as if he'd said the words aloud, but there was nothing I could do to stave off the near physical barrage of fury brought forth from the Force. It was as if my heart was being gored by a lightsaber as my mind was raped by the memories of my past, and inner demons of the present. I could only let it run its course and hope somehow, however unlikely, to survive its onslaught.

_"I'm sorry, Luke. I was never as strong as you."_

_"NO! Mara, don't give up!" _ I felt Luke clutch my body tightly to his in a fierce embrace and his anxiety leaked through the bombardment of all the other emotions that were assaulting me.

On top of everything else, I was disappointed that I didn't have the time to tell Luke just how much he really meant to me.

_"It's okay, Mara. I already know. I…I love you, too."_

I knew that I had very little time left; it was getting harder to keep a conscious thought. Somehow, I still heard Luke's words and I wanted so much to apologize for all the times I'd been angry, or snapped at him instead of appreciating his friendship.

_"Luke…"_

Vader had me in a strangle-hold for spoiling an attempt of his to overthrow Palpatine. My lungs burned and my sight darkened.

_"…remember…"_

The Emperor attacked me with his Force lightening because I had left a witness to an assassination. I fell to the floor from the assault and everything went dark.

_"…I'll love you always."_


	18. The Mist

I'd like to take a moment here just to say how bloody fantastic Star Wars is. Yesterday, a few friends of mine got together for a 'marathon'. It was a little celebration for finally owning all six movies. I don't know how many of you have done this yet, but it really is incredible to be able to sit down and watch all 14 hours of it at once. It completely changes the way you watch them all. Pretty powerful stuff, I highly recommend it.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble and keep on reviewing! You guys kick moff.  
-K

* * *

I stood alone and confused in the middle of a thick haze. I could see nothing but the wispy vapor surrounding me, and though I did not know where I was or how I'd gotten there, I was not frightened. The soft blanket of mist was moving past quickly and I could feel it caress the bare skin of my arms, being neither warm nor cool. I looked down at my feet, buried in white, and wiggled my naked toes. I frowned. Hadn't I been wearing my old combat boots with the small cut on the left ankle?

My frown melted away as it occurred to me that I would never have chosen to wear those dark, clunky boots with such a beautiful muslin dress. I took a moment to admire the soft, pale-green fabric that flowed from the narrow straps covering my shoulders down to my ankles. Strange, that the material should hang so still from my body with the vapor moving so hurriedly past.

A shadow to my left caught my eye, returning my attention to the surrounding veil of white. I watched the dark form through the mist, and with a newfound patience I waited for it to approach. I felt no fear or apprehension, only a mixture of curiosity and acceptance.

The shadowy figure slowly dissolved into the shape of a man; a Jedi, in fact. He was dressed in the Jedi robes of the Old Republic, but when his face came into focus I could see he was young, possibly my age. His hair was dark and shaggy, long enough to graze his broad shoulders, and his face looked hauntingly familiar, though I couldn't place him. I didn't know any Jedi from the Old Republic, not even from holograms.

The mysterious Jedi stood there for a moment, taking in the sight of me while I did the same of him, before he spoke slowly, "It's not your time, Mara Jade."

Surprised that he knew who I was, I decided to ask some questions, "How do you know my name?"

The Jedi smiled a soft, familiar smile and answered, "We knew each other quite well in my lifetime."

I frowned; surely I would have remembered such a man. "I never knew any Jedi of the Old Republic," I answered bluntly.

The Jedi's smile broadened and he chuckled softly, "You knew me in my later years, when my appearance was somewhat…altered."

Altered appearance? The missing piece clicked into place and I understood.

"Vader?" I asked cautiously.

The Jedi's eyes sparkled as he corrected me, "Skywalker. Anakin Skywalker."

My eyes widened slightly. I guess that would explain the familiar face and smile. He must have passed those features on to his son.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. "Better yet, what am _I_ doing here?"

Alarm started to build in me as I appended my questions, "Am I…dead?"

Anakin's smile never faltered, "No, Mara. You're not dead, not exactly. It's like I said, this is not your time."

The concern that had been building in me slowly washed away, but the confusion remained, "Then…why am I here?"

The Jedi chuckled again before explaining, "You feel the need to be forgiven for your past. This suffering you're undergoing is not the will of the Force. It was brought upon you by your own guilt. Your own feelings of remorse." He placed a strong hand on my shoulder and gave it a gently squeeze.

"The Force has forgiven you long ago, Mara. You need to forgive yourself, or you will end up like me. I wasted half my life because I couldn't let go. I was deluded into thinking many terrible things were the result of my own doing, and I just couldn't forgive myself for them. These events consumed me; they drove me mad. In my delusional state, I focused on the wrong things and found myself traveling a path I had never intended and causing even _more_ pain to those I loved."

I looked deep into his eyes and saw the regret; the sorrow at having been robbed of the joy of raising his children and losing his wife.

Anakin let his had drop from my shoulder and let go of his painful memories, A small smile returning to his face, "Don't let yourself succumb to the same fate. There are people who need you."

I thought of Luke and smiled. What would he do without me?

Looking back up into the eyes of the Jedi from the Old Republic, I saw the sparkle had returned. Another question was just forming on my lips when his image started to fade, "Wait! Can't you stay a bit longer?"

Luke's father ignored my question as he slowly dissolved into the surrounding fog, "You'll be fine, Mara."

"But how do I…?" My question trailed off as the form of Anakin Skywalker winked out of existence.

"_Take care of my son,"_ his voice echoed in my mind.

I glanced at the surrounding mist again and noticed it had stopped its movement. Taking a deep breath and holding it, I looked inward. Anakin had been right. I needed to let go of this guilt. I wasn't the same person anymore. Those things I'd done so long ago were terrible, but they were done and I couldn't take them back. I could only move on, and that's what I wanted to do…with Luke. I focused on those emotions and memories, singling them out, and with the Force I grabbed hold of them and flung them into the suffocating mist. I could feel it start to move again, but this time instead of speeding past me, it swirled around me, slowly at first. Each memory and every pang of guilt I added to the mist fueled the spinning fog, until it had quickly formed a raging cyclone with me in its calm center. When the twisting vortex reached its peak power, I let it go.

Slowly, I let out my breath and opened my eyes.

The light was nearly blinding and I had to squint for several long moments before my eyes could adjust to the brightness. When they did, I realized I was no longer shrouded in the dense fog. Instead, I was tucked into an enormous white bed in a large white room. There was a huge bay window in the middle of the wall to my left from which a rich sunlight bathed the room's contents a warm glow.

With my head still resting on a giant plush pillow, I turned my head to the right and couldn't help but smile. A small folding chair had been positioned at my side with its occupant asleep in what was surely a most uncomfortable position. Luke Skywalker was slumped and teetering off the side of the chair with his head hanging at an awkward angle, as if he was trying to make out a secret message written on his left shoulder. I briefly wondered how long he'd been asleep like that and how long it would be before he wound up on the floor with a mouthful of carpet. The thought caused a quiet giggle to bubble from my mouth.

Luke started at the small sound, and that was the end of his balancing act. He slipped from his seat and toppled to the plush white carpeting below with a hearty 'Oof!'

"Mara!" He exclaimed, pulling himself off the floor and resting his hands on the edge of the bed, "You're awake! How are you feeling?"

Wave after wave of Luke's relief washed over me, followed by a gentle prodding through the Force as he tried to gauge my vitals, and I swear I saw him wipe a tear from his eye with the back of his hand before he pulled me into a fierce hug. _ "Thank the stars! I thought I'd lost you!"_

"I'm fine," I assured him, amazed at how clearly I was reading him through the Force without even trying. "You can't get rid of me _that_ easily." I smiled as I luxuriated in the feel of his strong arms around me and breathed in his sweet scent.

Skywalker reluctantly released me from his hold and I took another look around the room before glancing back at him with a raised eyebrow, "So where am I, anyway? This certainly isn't the _Jade's Fire._"

Luke's face reddened a bit before giving me a sheepish look, "Well, you were out for so long. I'd originally taken you to the med-center once we reached Coruscant, but there was really nothing they could do for you. I tried to take you home to

your apartment, but couldn't get in, so…I just took you to my place."

Surely I hadn't been unconscious for more than a few hours.

For the first time since I awoke, I took a good look at Skywalker's face. There were dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, his hair was mussed and stringy, and he was touting a fair amount of stubble on his lip, chin, and cheeks. Warily, I asked, "Just how long was I out for?"

Luke paused, as if he could sense that I was unsure about really wanting to hear the answer. He looked at me and I could see the recent fear in his eyes, "Ten days."


	19. Reconciliation

Wow, what a crazy month. I'm so sorry for the delay in updates, but working in retail over the holidays is crazy (I've just had a promotion with another one on the way at the end of the season fingers crossed!), so I've regrettably had little time to devote to my favorite pair of Jedi.

Anyway, I'm back on track now with the insanity of this year's Black Friday fading into my past like the distant nugget of some long-ago pain you can only half-remember.

All poetry aside, let's get on with this next episode, shall we? This is for all you mush-lovers out there. Sometimes we just need a little sappiness, am I right? Okay, no more delays. Enjoy!

-K

* * *

"Ten days!" How could I have possibly been unconscious for that long?

Luke nodded soberly and grabbed hold of my hand as he sat facing me on the bed.

"The med technicians, they tried to tell me you were…" the Jedi's voice wavered slightly and I read the anguish written plainly across his face, "that you were…gone…" he paused for a moment to collect himself, "…but I knew…"

I gazed into eyes that sparkled with moisture and tried to imagine how I would feel if our roles had been reversed. My heart twisted when I realized how shattered I would be to lose such a dear friend and I squeezed Luke's fingers to show my understanding.

A renegade tear slipped down his cheek and without thinking, I reached up to wipe it away. Luke closed his eyes at the touch of my hand to his face and brought one of his own hands up to hold mine in place.

"Mara," he choked out, "what would I have done if I'd lost you?"

A voice echoed in my mind distant and solemn_, "Take care of my son."_

The mixture of grief and despair that had been his constant companions these past ten days slowly washed over me. I felt his ripples of sorrow flow past me and sent comforting thoughts as he released his pain with a quiet sob.

"Hey," I said gently, and waited for him to look me in the eye, "You can't get rid of me _that_ easily."

My attempt to lighten the mood was not lost on the Jedi and I was rewarded when Luke conceded a small smile. With a familiar twinkle in his eye, he pulled my hand down from his cheek to grasp it with both of his own hands. I felt my face relax into a smile, an expression that came naturally to me, but one that I had tried for so long to abandon. Right now I couldn't remember the reasons why.

"Mara, I don't want to waste any more time playing games with you." Luke said, giving my hand a slight squeeze.

I felt his caress through the Force and wondered at the warm feeling it left in me. "Sounds like a plan, Skywalker," I agreed sending him thoughts of reassurance, "No more games."

Immediately I sensed the hope building in the now-eager young man sitting with me, and my smile widened encouragingly. He took a few deep breaths and centered himself in the Force before he asked me.

"Mara Jade, will you marry me?"

My smile broke into a toothy grin that I hadn't used since childhood and made him wait all of two-and-a-half heartbeats before replying, "Of course I will, Luke."

Another tear found it's way down the Jedi's cheek and he laughed, collecting me into his arms in a fierce hug.

I took comfort in his embrace and for once didn't try to shield my emotions through the Force. I was just about to exclaim how liberating it felt not to constantly hold myself in check, when a quiet knock sounded from the bedroom's door.

"Leia," Luke announced to me, reluctantly releasing me from his hold. I nodded, motioning for him to open the door for his sister.

Skywalker acquiesced and let his twin enter the room.

"Mara! I'm so glad you're awake! I felt a surge of relief from Luke and thought there must have been a change. I came straight away."

I smiled at Leia, "Yes, there most certainly was a change," I glanced at Luke and gave him a private wink, then added through the Force, _"A change of heart."_

Skywalker beamed.

"_Would you like to tell her?"_ I sent to my new fiancé with the emotional equivalent of a loving squeeze on the arm.

_"Only if you're ready to share the news…my Love"_

I nodded and sent my affirmation, then turned my gaze back to Organa-Solo, who had been watching our exchange quizzically. She folded her arms in front of herself and demanded answers from her brother, "Okay, what was all that about? What's the big secret, little brother?"

Skywalker's smile didn't waver, if anything it grew wider. "It's just that…"

When he hesitated, I sent a wave of encouragement.

"…Mara and I. Well…we're going to be married and…" Luke trailed off at the sight of his sister's shocked expression.

Resentment edged its way into a corner of my mind and I scowled. "What? Is it _that_ unbelievable that someone could want to share a life with your brother?" I knew that wasn't true, but I was hesitant to voice the alternative.

Leia looked at me with her mouth agape and blinked.

"Now Mara," Luke said in an attempt to placate, "I'm sure she didn't mean…"

"Or maybe…," I interrupted, narrowing my eyes and returning Luke's warning look, "Maybe it's your choice of bride."

Leia pulled herself up to her full height and faced her accuser. "Of course not!" She exclaimed, indignantly, "Why shouldn't I want my brother to be happy?" She took Luke's hand and squeezed, "And I _am_ happy for the two of you."

Sheepishly I looked away, feeling my cheeks burn.

The councilor's eyebrows raised in a cocky 'I-told-you-so' kind of way when she elaborated haughtily, "I was just surprised at your timing, is all. I mean, I was just trying to get the two of you to _date_, I didn't expect a proposal. I was going to give the two of you some time before I coerced that course of action."

Organa-Solo turned to her brother and gave him a hug, "I really am so very happy for you, Luke. I know how much you love her." She released him with a kiss on the cheek and then sat next to me on the bed.

"You too, Mara," Leia said with a soft smile, "I know my brother will be in good hands with you."

She placed a small hand on mine and grinned, "Stars! I'm going to have a sister!"

Luke stifled a laugh and my grimace twisted into an odd sort of smile.

With a firm squeeze of my hand, Organa-Solo stood up and gave her brother another quick hug. "I'm going to let you two be alone, now." She made her way to the door and turned just before leaving, "I'm so glad you're alright, Mara…and welcome to the family."


	20. The End

Wow, it's done. I can't believe it. I hope you guys have enjoyed the ride as much as I have! I'd like to send a special thanks out to ALL my reviewers, you guys really kept me going, you're awesome.

And to Lauriana, my perma-beta! Thanks for stroking my ego on this one, HA! You're the best.

This chapter is dedicated to all Luke & Mara fans (but mostly the cool ones like you)...

* * *

"You want to tell me what that was all about?" His voiced floated to me across the silent room.

The words themselves were innocent enough; it was the emotion behind them that caught me off guard. He wasn't being accusatory or demanding, or even wary. Just a calm acceptance mingled with a touch of concern.

"It was nothing," I lied, throwing back the covers and easing myself out of Luke's huge bed. When my feet hit the plush carpet, I wiggled my toes and shakily stood up. How could he possibly understand?

Eyeing my progress from the corner by the door, Skywalker sighed and leaned against the wall. "Mara," he fought the urge to offer a steadying hand, knowing I would flatly refuse it, "You know I can see through you. Talk to me."

"Blast it, Skywalker!" I shouted, causing Luke to wince, "Don't I get _any_ privacy?" I snarled and had to grab the back of the chair to keep from toppling to the floor.

Ignoring his better judgment, Skywalker rushed to my aid. He stood beside me and tried to hold my elbows to steady me, but I shrugged him off impatiently, "Look Jedi, I don't _need_ your help! I can do this on my own."

Skywalker frowned and took a step back. "I know you can do this on your own, Mara. No one's questioning that. My point is that you don't _have_ to, that's what comes with 'being there for each other'."

I scowled. My frustration was mounting and I was fighting off panic. That initial look of stunned disbelief in his sister's eyes after Luke had announced our engagement kept replaying in my mind over and over. Sure, she'd tried to sweet-talk her way out of it. She'd even convinced her brother of her sincerity, but I wasn't fooled. And if this was the way his own flesh and blood had reacted…

"Listen, Skywalker…"

"Luke," he corrected me.

I sighed before starting again, "Listen, _Skywalker._ Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

Confused, the Jedi frowned. "You want me to help you back into bed?" He asked. Stepping closer, he started to usher me back to the bed, but I wouldn't relinquish my grip on the chair and I planted my feet to keep from moving.

"No!" I sighed and closed my eyes, struggling to hold back these overwhelming emotions. "No, us. You and me. Your sister's right, we're moving a bit fast, don't you think?"

I couldn't see his reaction, but he was still so close and I could hear in his voice that his frown had deepened, "No, I don't think that at all. We know how we feel about each other and this is the right direction for us."

My eyes were starting to sting and I didn't dare open them. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and took a deep breath before I managed a whisper, "I'm not so sure…"

"Mara, what are you talking about? Look at me," his voice was dripping with concern.

I couldn't look. I didn't need to. I saw his pained expression in my mind's eye and couldn't bear to see his reaction to what I had to say next. I didn't want to say it, but I loved him too much now to let this happen to him.

The stinging in my eyes increased and I had to squeeze them shut. Even so, I felt a trickle escape. I turned my head slightly so he wouldn't see. No, I didn't have a choice. The Jedi would all be considered a joke, and everything he'd worked so hard to rebuild would be for nothing. I'd had it wrong from the beginning. It didn't matter how he saw me, or what he saw me as. The one person I cared so much about…it didn't make one lick of difference. It was everyone else that mattered. How could a Jedi married to an Imperial assassin ever be taken seriously?

"Mara?"

My shoulders betrayed me with a small spasm as I choked back a sob. I had to take several breaths before I could speak with a steady voice, "I…I can't marry you, Luke."

Silence.

More tears escaped down burning cheeks and my whole traitorous body started shaking. I'd never felt this kind of pain before and it was excruciating. I remained standing solely due to my iron grip on the chair beside me. I felt as if I were being wrung from the inside. My chest was tight, I felt sick to my stomach, and my wobbly knees could barely support my weight.

Just when I thought I would collapse, Luke's arms encircled my waist from behind and he pressed his body to my back with his mouth to my ear.

I lost control. I was racked with sobs and the tears flowed freely, dampening my face. My knees gave out and I only remained upright because of Luke's steady hold. I leaned my head back on his shoulder and cried, really cried, for the first time in my life. I cried for my loss and the injustice of the galaxy. When I'd finally found something good for myself, I had to give it up.

With the tears came a cleansing release, as if I were draining away my frustration and grief. When I was spent, I just stood there in Luke's arms while he rocked me and cooed in my ear as if I were a child.

"Luke…"

"Shhh. It won't be like that, I promise."

"But…"

"Mara, I love you. Even if you're right about how you think people will react, and let me tell you right now that you're not, I wouldn't care. We're right for each other," he said firmly then kissed me gently on my neck, then again on my ear, "This is right."

He was right.

Too exhausted and emotionally drained to argue, I let him continue with his ministrations. Each tender kiss he planted on my skin lent me a tendril of energy that I used to recharge myself. After a few moments, I turned in the circle of Luke's arms and finally looked him in the eye.

"Luke, I…"

He nodded, "I know. I saw how it played out. Although, you were wrong about Leia," my Farm Boy smiled at me and ran his fingers through my tangled hair, "We only caught her off guard."

I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder, snuggling into the crook of his neck. "I guess this new connection between us is going to take some getting used to," I ventured, thankful that I didn't need to explain myself to him.

Luke kissed the top of my head and hugged me tight, "Yeah. But we'll do it together."

I smiled, "Of course, together."

* * *

**EPILOGUE:**

**_Six Months Later…_**

His eyes were growing clearer with each step I took towards him. They were a brighter blue than I'd ever seen and they sparkled with a joy that was impossible to match, even in myself.

I glanced at the man who walked beside me, arm in arm, and blushed when he lightly kissed my hand, "The business won't be the same without you," he said smartly, and I gave him a grateful smile.

All around me were the glowing faces of family and friends; happy and supportive faces that passed no judgment on me, whether it be my past, present or future. Faces that sent encouragement and warmth; faces filled with love. I caught the eye of a man with a lopsided grin standing near the front and laughed as he tossed me a mock-salute.

Growing closer now, I looked back to the handsome man across the gardens and wondered, yet again, how I could possibly deserve such happiness.

_"Everyone deserves to be as happy as we are…"_

The words drifted across my mind, and I couldn't tell if they had been my thoughts or his. Probably both.

Reaching our destination, my travel companion whispered words of encouragement in my ear and handed me off to the blue-eyed war hero waiting for me at the front of the gardens. Together, we took a few steps towards the Officiant and turned to face each other.

_"You look beautiful."_

_ "What? In this old thing?"_

I watched with laughing eyes as he glanced downward, taking in the sight of my intricate white gown.

_"I could never get tired of looking at you…"_

"_Let's hope not, you're going to see a whole lot more of me for the rest of your life,"_ I risked a glance at the Officiant and she nodded at me with a smile.

_"Are you ready?"_

"_As I'll ever be."_

"Mara," Luke slid a shining silver ring on my finger and squeezed my hands tightly, "I love you. Not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you."

A tear slipped down my cheek as I worked a similar ring onto Luke's hand. "Luke, I love you. Not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me."

With bright eyes, we both looked back to the Officiant, who raised her hands in the air, "Then by the powers vested in me by the planet of Coruscant, I now pronounce you husband and wife."

I looked back at Luke, my husband, and grinned.

With her final words, the Officiant smiled warmly at her brother and new sister-in-law, "You may kiss the bride."

Luke gathered me in his arms and I placed my hands on his either side of his face. Our lips met and I drank in his sweet taste for the first time in our new life.

"Together," he breathed, and I nodded.

"_Forever."_

_

* * *

_

_-End-_

_

* * *

_Thanks again, everyone for all your support and encouragement! And on a side note, those wedding vows were not written by me. They are a quote from Roy Croft that I found months and months ago. As soon as I read them, I knew what I needed to use them for, I thought they fit perfectly. So, yeah. Wish they were mine!

Anyway, looks like I can get to work on some of my other stuff now! Check it out! 


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